(Needs work) What Ever Happened to Joseph

Wanted to write this as it is actually a recount of yet another infringment on my day. I am sure these people stalk me. Anyway. This is basicaly what happened. Needs work though. Maybe a better tag.

2 Jehovahs witneses knock on the door, a woman opens it.

JW
Hello, my name is Adam, this is Sarah, we have come to talk to you about Jehovah.

Woman
Oh come in, I have a question.

THEY GO INTO THE WOMANS LOUNGE

WOMAN (CONT)
What happened to Joseph?

JW (Adam)
Joseph?

Woman
You know Joseph, the man who brought up a child that wasn’t his. What happened to him?

JW (Sarah)
Oh! (Eyes dart as she thinks)

JW (ADAM)
Erm…..

WOMAN
That poor wee man. He devoted his life to someone else’s child. Married the mother of said child so she would not live in shame & not a mention after the childs birth. Did he ever even get his leg over?

JW (SARA)
(Coughs) Well the Bible does mention, Mary & Joseph having other children.

WOMAN
What happened to them then?

JW (ADAM)
(Shrugs)

WOMAN
Right so let me get this straight. A lovely, sweet kind young man, raises a child, the supposed son of God, as his own. He waits ages for a shag off his own wife, eventually has his own children, brothers & sisters of Christ & no one can be arsed to mention him & his offspring. I am very puzzled!

THE JW’S SHARE CONFUSED LOOKS.

JW SARAH
Luke 2:41 reads: "Every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover….

Woman
Wooooo! That’s the thanks that poor wee man gets. A yearly Passover mention. Whoopy do. Shall I tell you what I think happened to Joseph?

JW Adam
Erm!

WOMAN
I think Mary taunted him. I think that mad bint went (Woman stands with her legs slightly apart, one hand on hip, a finger wagging) (Sing song voice & childish hip wriggles). Your not his real Daddy, you are po-oi oi oi-int-less, God doesn’t love you.You real kids smeeeeeeel.

DEEP SHOCKED SIGH FROM THE JW’s.

WOMAN CONT
I think Jesus taunted him too.( Stands with her legs slightly apart, one hand on hip, a finger wagging) (Sing song voice & childish hip wriggles). Your not my real Daddy. You can’t tell me what to do, I am the son of Go-o-o-o-ooo.d.

DEEP SHOCKED INTAKE OF BREATHS FROM THE JW’s

WOMAN (CONT)
I think after all those taunts, poor Joseph stood on a donkey & hung himself in a stable, after killing all his children. Except his stepson of course.

JW ADAM
I have never in all my life……

WOMAN
He did not kill Jesus, cause he did not want to ruin all of our enjoyment, for hot cross buns. That, by the way is sick. How do you think Kennedy would feel if everyone recalled his death by scoffing on, hot gun buns.

JW SARAH
I feel faint.

WOMAN
Oh dear, I hope you don’t need a blood transfusion?
Please call again when you are in the areola. Toodle loo.

Nice funny, sharp and works well. Could build towards a stronger pace change punch line. Mention the CSA at all?

Nah Should have eh! Cheers Sooty.

The idea would make a good nativity sketch; but they're such a pain aren't they....?

A nativity where a 5 year old in need of a poo, does one in the crib.

Gold frankin-stentch, and eeurrgh.

WOMAN
Oh dear, I hope you don’t need a blood transfusion?
Please call again when you are in the areola. Toodle loo.

That slayed me, loved it Charley.

Not sure that the kennedy gag works in that context (unless its just their as a homage to Bill)

Thanks all.
I was trying to think of an alternative murder for Hot Cross buns,MLewis
Ie I could have used Lennon I suppose or something.

i'd just leave it out - in the context of Joesph how we remember christ 2000 years later doesn't fit, it feels a little shoehorned and so stands out....and as any bill hicks fan will spot it you want to make sure its perfect or dump it (IMO)

I liked it Charley, although I think with this one you need to cram it full of gags, loads and loads of em, until they're bursting out that woman's areola.

might be usefull to go through it and highlight to yourself where the current laughs are...lines that will actually make people laugh.

Quote: Leevil @ March 4, 2008, 7:52 PM

I liked it Charley, although I think with this one you need to cram it full of gags, loads and loads of em, until they're bursting out that woman's areola.

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Quote: M Lewis @ March 4, 2008, 7:56 PM

might be usefull to go through it and highlight to yourself where the current laughs are...lines that will actually make people laugh.

View original

Thanks!

Yeh dump the JFK reference me thinks. Doesn't work for me. But there is a gem in there Charley just have sweat period blood and tears to get it out.