Tell us a joke Page 180

My boss is American and shouted at me for being late. That's awesome: an American complaining a Brit's late. Ever heard of 2 World Wars? I'm 10 minutes late, it took you f**king years.

My wife said, For your birthday you can have one glass of wine and a present. So I asked for a 873986750-litre glass.

Anybody know any good nose jokes? Oh, forget it.. s'not funny.

Gareth Southgate wants England to be "..a team full of leaders.."

Of course that won't work as to be a leader you need to have followers, no followers = no need for leaders.

Leader without followers: "Come on, let's do this.." <LEADER RUNS OFF ON HIS OWN>

Maybe he should just say we need to get the ball in the net more often than the opposition. That'll work.

What did they call it when "prototype" was just a new word they were trying out?

I've just invented a new word - 'plagiarism'. *

*Not mine but had to share.

I apllied to join that underground Sicilian organisation that kills people and makes loads of illegal money. They wouldn't let me in. It's a f**king Mafia.

I was running a casino and a Sicilian guy said he wanted a pizza de'action - I sent him to Papa Johns.

Who sang 'Don't You Forget About Me'?

Did the man who broke the bank at Monte Carlo ever get around to repairing it?

My recycling company's been contacted by a sicilian firm trying to sell toxic detritus - they're making an offer we can't refuse.

If a pig could speak English would he call his willy a human cutlass?

I told Geri Halliwell I have a split personality. She said, Who do you think you are?

English is the Lingua Franca.

I hate English people using Italian. Such a fiasco.