British Comedy Guide

Things that piss you off Page 1,664

My line that thus far works is this,

"What is the name of the charity you're raising money for? Thanks I'll look them up online and make an informed decision if I donate. Also as I won't be doing it through you, the charity will recieve 100% of the money and no cut to the organisation you work for, thanks"

Quote: Chappers @ 6th April 2016, 6:37 PM BST

Charities really piss me off. Nobody should get paid astronomical amounts who work for them. Nobody gives money to charity for someone to line their own pockets.

Not all charities piss you off do they? They are not all like that.

Worst thing is celebs who keep telling you how much they "do" for charity then get an honour for it. Some folk work tirelessly for years and get no such recognition(not that they want any reward).
The story of the good samaritan is a case in point, he does his good deed out of kindness, not for personal glory and remains anonymous.

Street collectors annoy me because some can be very hardsell. I never stop to talk to them because they are probably on a salary or at least on a commission which means part of my donation is paying their wages instead of going to the charity. I'm never rude because they are still just trying to earn a crust but I just avoid getting in a conversation. If they are attractive with no rock I might be tempted to stop and talk even though I would still know they are only after something in my pants which is not the thing I want it to be.

They don't even accept cash and are only interested in signing up for direct debit arrangements which I view as a cynical trend of fund raising. I once offered a woman a few bob as her pitch to me was sincere and it was for an animal hospital but she couldn't accept it. It was either sign up for a long term DD, where they can take as much as they like, or nothing.

I actually had 2 chuggers on my doorstep recently. Someone buzzed them in main door so was just a knock on mine & thought it must be a neighbour.

They wanted my bank details - on my doorstep! Perfectly civil chaps but I had to explain that I do not ever on principle give any details to any stranger on phone, in street or to people I would not have answered the door to had they used the entryphone. I also said I found it astonishing that anyone would.

But best way to escape chuggers on street was once when I really was in a hurry and said "sorry - I really need a shit". And I really did.

A few times I've had those calls where they start by saying they need me to confirm my name and date of birth before they can proceed with explaining the reason they are calling me or even where they are calling from. A complete stranging calling my mobile asking for personal deatails before they will reveal themselves. I doubt it's to give me a long lost inheritance so...

*click*

Quote: zooo @ 6th April 2016, 7:08 PM BST

I love it when the ones on the street say things like "do you care about babies?" or "do you care about dogs?" as their intro sentence, thinking that's foolproof.
Little do they know I don't give a shit about either.

Regularly in Morrison's we have Dog's Trust people trying to get you to pay for the keep of a dog. I always just say 'I don't like dogs,' which strikes them dumb. I think they now recognise me and leave me alone. Laughing out loud

They're trying to get people to pay for a Medieval castle to house a single dog?

Madness no wonder all your party leaders have gone gay.

Quote: keewik @ 6th April 2016, 10:28 PM BST

Regularly in Morrison's we have Dog's Trust people trying to get you to pay for the keep of a dog. I always just say 'I don't like dogs,' which strikes them dumb. I think they now recognise me and leave me alone. Laughing out loud

Hehe!

I do sometimes donate cat food in the cat food collection box at the supermarket. It feels better than money, cos I know they can only do one thing with it. (They'd better not give it to any flipping dogs.)

Would they not prefer you went to the pet shop and bought them a big bag of hamsters?

I was once advised when receiving nuisance calls (whatever happened to heavy breathers?) to buy an air horn and use whenever they called again. Maybe I should get one for phone scammers who won't leave me the hell alone despite my angry words telling them they are rumbled and even phoned again today.

Always starts with heavy crackling and delay so obvs. distance call, then in a heavy foreign accent "this is urgent call please for your computer issue" or words to that effect, but that's as far as they get now. Initially they sounded very similar to Talk Talk call centre but they actually identify themselves first - these guys just want you to answer 'security questions' before they have even told you who the hell they are.

Quote: sootyj @ 6th April 2016, 10:38 PM BST

Would they not prefer you went to the pet shop and bought them a big bag of hamsters?

*makes a note*

Quote: sootyj @ 6th April 2016, 10:34 PM BST

They're trying to get people to pay for a Medieval castle to house a single dog?

Madness no wonder all your party leaders have gone gay.

Laughing out loud
Not all Just two- maybe.

Quote: fopdoodle @ 6th April 2016, 10:38 PM BST

I was once advised when receiving nuisance calls (whatever happened to heavy breathers?) to buy an air horn and use whenever they called again. Maybe I should get one for phone scammers who won't leave me the hell alone despite my angry words telling them they are rumbled and even phoned again today.

Always starts with heavy crackling and delay so obvs. distance call, then in a heavy foreign accent "this is urgent call please for your computer issue" or words to that effect, but that's as far as they get now. Initially they sounded very similar to Talk Talk call centre but they actually identify themselves first - these guys just want you to answer 'security questions' before they have even told you who the hell they are.

I once tried blowing a loud whistle down the phone, but they just whistled back. I'm thinking of singing next time - that would surely put them off. A couple of years ago an audience member was sick after I started singing. In my defence, it was a fairly bloodthirsty song about corbies (crows for you sassenachs) pecking a man's eyes out).

Quote: keewik @ 6th April 2016, 10:28 PM BST

Regularly in Morrison's we have Dog's Trust people trying to get you to pay for the keep of a dog. I always just say 'I don't like dogs,' which strikes them dumb. I think they now recognise me and leave me alone. Laughing out loud

Whenever someone starts telling me about how their dog (or cat) is ill and the treatment costs a fortune or their dog has gone missing or died or they can't go on holiday because of the dog, outwardly I'm polite and fain interest, inwardly all I can think is you shouldn't have bought a f**king dog then! You know it will at some point be ill, or prevent you going out and will die within about 15 years.

Quote: fopdoodle @ 6th April 2016, 10:00 PM BST

But best way to escape chuggers on street was once when I really was in a hurry and said "sorry - I really need a shit". And I really did.

Laughing out loud I may try that!

I did get stopped once by a guy who first asked what the time was. Then he started asking me if I'd thought about Jesus and I noticed his badge which said 'Church of Latter Day Saints'. I said "I'm not interested. Not after what your lot did to King Harold!.....oh sorry, you're Mormans."

Ok, I didn't say that, I thought of it about an hour later unfortunately!

There are charities who don't cold call or rattle tins at you, celebrities who support charities without bigging themselves up and volunteers who work very hard for no return other than to see the charity they genuinely care about able to help those it has been set up for. Let's not forget those.

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