British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 164

My jacket was accused of stealing. I'll get it off the hook.

I want to try that new cocktail drug. It's Heroin, Cocaine and Crystal Meth.

But I'm scared of needles.

my mum's one of those people who always thinks shes ill, I kept telling her it was all in her head, which was quite ironic really, because it turned out to be a brain tumour.

Germalene, Voltarol, Clearasil
Topical humour.

Maldives, Barbados, Mauritius
Tropical humour

I gave John Lydon a blow job. Bit o' PIL to swallow.

My girlfriend stroked my little mouse so hard he was sick.

My little mouse is what she calls my penis.

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My mate is a professional pancake maker.

What a tosser!

***

I live in a lighthouse and it's cleaning day.

Honestly, I'm going round in circles here!

Long time ago I called a 6ft punk "you f*ucking Nancy"; fortunately Mr Vicious was dating Nancy.

I know why John Lyndan is an angry man with a high voice; never mind the bollocks.

I was nervous about planting a rock garden.

But then I grew a little bolder.

I feel like a small waterfall.

A little weiry.

I don't mind it when Elvis guzzles from condoms. It's called rubber necking, but that's all right with me.

I couldn't decide if my date looked more like a turnip or a parsnip.

Turned out she was a Swede.

Which band is easily convinced? Suede.

I'm dead against stereotyping.

I have enough trouble with one keyboard.

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