Sitcom by Leevil

I'm pretty bad a writing sitcoms, not having the stamina to write for 30 pages, I normally get half way through and give up.

I'm posting this now as I want to know if it catches anyone's interest and it's worth me sticking through.

I have a new idea, which I'm excited about and want to jump on, no doubt it will end the same as this, but that's the way it goes.

Anyway, this one is another flat-sharing sitcom and if you've read some of my scripts before you'll recognise the two main characters. If you haven't, it's about two friends, James and Kate with the old 'will they, won't they' situation going on. It's still untitled, yet this episode is called "Patrick Connor Is a Tosser".

I would be grateful of ANY feedback, relating to the sitcom of course.

Thank you.

Script - It's hosted on the Celtx servers by the way.

As I said before, you've got a likeable writing style so it's easy to read and it flies by.

Some good lines, made me chuckle, I'd like to see more.

I'd be interested to read a sitcom of yours where you REALLY have crafted it and worked hard - i.e. not got bored - I think you could produce a good script.

Negatives? Well, it's all very linear is the only problem, though obviously it's not much to go on.

Overall you've got a pacey, knockabout style which if you get the right character/plot match you'll write a good episode.

Good luck with it.

Oh, and how old are you out of interest?

Thank you Seefacts. I've always thought I would be better off with a writing partner who has discipline, someone who could guide me with tight plots and defined ideas, unfortunately I have ajp29 . But he's just my sketch writing partner, so I can't blame him.

This time I did try and be good, I did write a plot and I know these two like the back of my hand anyway. But unfortunately my rhythm was broken and I never got back into the mindset of this piece. So for now, it's lost and feels uninspired to me. Hence the little boost of confidence I'm looking for now

My age? Why I'm 22 years of age. What does that say about me and my writing, I wonder?

Thanks again Seefacts, big help.

Quote: Leevil @ March 3, 2008, 3:38 PM

Thank you Seefacts. I've always thought I would be better off with a writing partner who has discipline, someone who could guide me with tight plots and defined ideas, unfortunately I have ajp29 . But he's just my sketch writing partner, so I can't blame him.

This time I did try and be good, I did write a plot and I know these two like the back of my hand anyway. But unfortunately my rhythm was broken and I never got back into the mindset of this piece. So for now, it's lost and feels uninspired to me. Hence the little boost of confidence I'm looking for now

My age? Why I'm 22 years of age. What does that say about me and my writing, I wonder?

Thanks again Seefacts, big help.

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Yeah, discipline is vital. As someone who writes alone, I sometimes think having someone else there would lift a weight from my shoulders!

It's great you know the characters, vital in fact, but put them in a bigger plot. Flat-sharing, then dating has been done to death. I don't think laughs are an issue, as I said, your style to brings laughs easily.

I think you should stretch yourself and come up with something plot wise that's way above the easy stuff of dates etc.

Other than saying 'think outside the box' I can't think of what else to say about the plotting. If that makes sense.

Re: I'm just nosey Your style is that of someone who's honed it, it's very natural.

Quote: Seefacts @ March 3, 2008, 3:48 PM

I think you should stretch yourself and come up with something plot wise that's way above the easy stuff of dates etc.

View original

Thanks, I'll give that some thought.

Quote: Seefacts @ March 3, 2008, 3:48 PM

Re: I'm just nosey Your style is that of someone who's honed it, it's very natural.

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Thanks again. I just like to keep things simple at to the point. I don't like cluttered dialogue that stumbles over itself, trying to make two points at once.

Quote: Leevil @ March 3, 2008, 4:26 PM

Thanks, I'll give that some thought.

Thanks again. I just like to keep things simple at to the point. I don't like cluttered dialogue that stumbles over itself, trying to make two points at once.

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That's not to say I didn't laugh at the horrific fitness instructor man, but go somewhere else with it.

Yea Leevil great banter.
It reads well too.
I have had some fab advice given from a production agency about the need for plot & not just people talking.
Alkthough I find it slightly bewildering, because you have the likes of 'The Royal Family' to name one.
I have however, taken the advice & hopefuly added a plot & storyline. Fingers crossed anyhoo.

Thanks Charley.

Quote: Charley @ March 3, 2008, 4:40 PM

I have had some fab advice given from a production agency about the need for plot & not just people talking.
Alkthough I find it slightly bewildering, because you have the likes of 'The Royal Family' to name one.

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Can anyone name another one? I think the point about the RF was that it was penned by 'names' so they get more freedom.

The first pilot episode I wrote was, I thought, pretty good, and received some positive feedback from BBC writers room. Feedback that meant they had read all of it not just the first few pages but despite this, they weren't interested. Because of the feedback though, I decided to write another episode and quickly ran out of steam.

I realised, eventially, that what I had created was a string of funny scenes held together by a thin plot, with no sub plot or, ultimately, any longevity.

The next idea I had I didn't allow myself to write an episode until I'd defined all of the main and secondary characters and their relationships and plotted and sub-plotted six episodes.

And, so far, this one has been very well regarded by those that have read it. So, in my experience, plotting is vital. Which is unfortunate, as I hate it. I'd much rather transcribe the funny conversation I had in pub/bed/office/bed/bar/bed/restaurant etc.

Thanks steve, I'm listening.

Sorry I haven't read yours yet Leevil. Will go and see if can persuade my wife to cook dinner and will hopefully have a look in a minute or two.

Thanks and I meant that as in I'm taking in your very helpful advice.

Am back, beer in hand. Not a lot to go on, but I liked what I read and it made me smile a couple of times. The dialogue flowed well. As mentioned previously, plot important, and situation, and these couldn't really be determined from the short posting.

If I was to be really picky, I thought Dr Smith was a man, maybe that was just me. Worked better as a woman so maybe a description? Maybe it's there and I missed it. And I noticed a couple of typos in there, particularly at the end, except instead of accept?

I suppose the other thing is, if I flat shared with a woman I fancied, I'd make sure I was permanently well groomed. By which I mean clean. Obviously I'm fat and there's nothing I can do about that. Except sunstitute wine for excersise. Which is never going to happen.

Haha, cheers Steve.

Quote: steve by any other name @ March 3, 2008, 7:46 PM

If I was to be really picky, I thought Dr Smith was a man, maybe that was just me. Worked better as a woman so maybe a description? Maybe it's there and I missed it. And I noticed a couple of typos in there, particularly at the end, except instead of accept?

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Dr. Smith is a temporary name and I did wonder if her gender would be confused, I will now of course make sure it isn't. Typos, bloody typos - the computer is supposed to be working for me damn it!

Quote: steve by any other name @ March 3, 2008, 7:46 PM

I suppose the other thing is, if I flat shared with a woman I fancied, I'd make sure I was permanently well groomed. By which I mean clean.

View original

Good point, but it's probably because I've always imagined their feelings are being in somewhat denial of each other.

Thanks again Steve, all very helpful this.

Agree that style is good and kept me reading. Pun count. I had some nice feedback the other day but I didn't have enough laughs per square inch. 'Bear' that in mind as you roll along. Worth sticking with me thinks.