British Comedy Guide

Tell us a joke Page 159

Up and running.

People who make jokes about cancer have just got a different sense of tumor.

I tried a gag about cancer last night.
It killed.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 16th March 2016, 9:47 AM GMT

When porn actors prepare, do they need a dress rehearsal?

Or, perhaps, an undress rehearsal?

Having a girlfriend in a wheel chair means we can park anywhere, she's my disabled Bae.

Quote: Reg N @ 17th March 2016, 9:03 AM GMT

I tried a gag about cancer last night.
It killed.

I tried a gag about cancer last night.
It died.

....
is better.

Quote: billwill @ 17th March 2016, 1:04 PM GMT

I tried a gag about cancer last night.
It died.

....
is better.

...Maybe

Anyway, I'm giving up on gags about cancer, pedophilia and necrophilia.

I'm moving on to darker stuff.

Quote: gappy @ 17th March 2016, 10:32 AM GMT
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 16th March 2016, 9:47 AM GMT

When porn actors prepare, do they need a dress rehearsal?

Or, perhaps, an undress rehearsal?

Or perhaps it's just a f*cking rehearsal !

My cat got his head stuck in a jar of gurkins. He was in a pickle.

Quote: Nick Nockerty @ 17th March 2016, 1:53 PM GMT

Or, perhaps, an undress rehearsal?

Or perhaps it's just a f*cking rehearsal !
[/quote]

Laughing out loud

Just back from my lobotomy.
That's a load off my mind.

I made an arse of myself at the Doctors, or as the French say, le bottom me.

I made an arse of myself at my sculpture class.
That's why they asked me to leave.

Why is sneezing like wanking? It ends in a-tiss-ue.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 18th March 2016, 6:23 AM GMT

Why is sneezing like wanking? It ends in a-tiss-ue.

Remember the old joke?

"Every time I sneeze I have an orgasm"
"What are you taking for that?"
"pepper"

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