Quote: gappy @ 20th February 2016, 1:11 PM GMT
Here are my thoughts, feel free to ignore, I'm not an expert on this sort of thing.
1) I found this quite hard to understand, had to read some sentences twice to parse them. I'm assuming that this is a stand-up script, in which case it doesn't matter so long as you know how to deliver it, but for now, it's a bit of a trawl.
2) The joke is you're watching adverts for a healthy lifestyle whilst eating crisps? Not much to it. That's a jumping off point, I think you need to go further, think up some places ot got with it: you bought a treadmill...because it's a long walk from the sofa to where your wife is frying bacon sandwiches; you joined a gym...because they have the cheapest vending machine in town, you've amde your subscription money back after only 8 weeks. Those ideas are crap, obviously, but find some more inventive way to contrast your lifestyle.
ha hathat's funny I like your take on it
Quote: comedywriter dude @ 20th February 2016, 1:23 PM GMT
ha hathat's funny I like your take on it
i'm more of a writer butthat's good, like your tate on it makes it more funny made me laugh yer vending machine
Quote: comedywriter dude @ 20th February 2016, 1:25 PM GMT
ha hathat's funny I like your take on it
i'm more of a writer butthat's good, like your tate on it makes it more funny made me laugh yer vending machine
you know I watch TV alot more than most people , and I eat alot more than most people to, I'll eat an entire bag of cc's and when them ads comon on them fitness adds most people change the channel, sometimes I do but somtimes I don't somtimes I watch the new inventions.
some of those inventions look pretty great too, but/ they look like they just shake everything. Am I better off with a hoola hoop?
anyways when I'm eating my ccs I'm thinking thers an entire industry built around me not eating my cc's right now I'm watching them, I'm still eating my cc's
I mean I'm watching these adds as I cut of big hunk of cheees and put it on my doritoes and press play on microwave, 3 to 3 minutes is a long time to wate for the chees to melt on your doritos, and I'm watching these fitniss adds lether belts shaking her belly, and it just gets me more depressed.
the next add as my doritos are done some ultimate fit girl, I just can't help to think shi probably would like the tast of my daritos
maybe they would be beter switching it around guys like me advertising vending machines, then we go on tredmill to test them.
like a new rolloercoaster, are you to fat for this rolloercoaster?
I mean how many times have you sat there eating mac donalds and these fitness adds come on , and yer ther fit but anr't you thinking, damn they are missing out on the taste of this big mack.
I mean shes working out jogging but I'm eating a tasty big mack who is really winning?