My Christmas tree is looking a little tatty, I think I need to spruce it up a little.
Tell us a joke Page 137
There ya go - a Christmas joke 
WARNING - JOKE BELOW MAY OFFEND - PLEASE DO NOT READ IF EASILY OFFENDED
What do you call someone who openly practices homosexual acts in Raqqa?
A suicide bummer.
Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 16th December 2015, 4:05 PM GMTThere ya go - a Christmas joke
My girlfriend said "Come and baste my turkey under the mistletoe"
I said "hang on, I'm roasting my nuts by the fire."
This one is topical. Not good, but topical.
-Admiral, what was the name of the family in The Sound Of Music?
-It's Von Trapp!!!
1st wine merchant "Guess who's in town"
2nd wine merchant "Not THAT bastard?"
Santa's got a slate lose!
Wish he hadn't landed on my roof.
(yay - more Christmas jokes)
Quote: gappy @ 17th December 2015, 10:14 AM GMTThis one is topical. Not good, but topical.
-Admiral, what was the name of the family in The Sound Of Music?
-It's Von Trapp!!!
Quote: Reg N @ 17th December 2015, 11:20 AM GMT1st wine merchant "Guess who's in town"
2nd wine merchant "Not THAT bastard?"
OK - yes I'm getting senile. I don't understand either of those.
The first one is a reference to Star Wars, where Admiral Akhbar's famous line from the film is "It's a trap!".
The second one, I'm guessing the mystery person is Jesus, as he supposedly turned water into wine, a wine merchant may be somewhat miffed at the supply and demand implications of such an action on his business interests.
How many of you Iranians got away with stealing? I want a show of hands.
Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 17th December 2015, 7:06 PM GMTHow many of you Iranians got away with stealing? I want a show of hands.
Liked it but think it might work better
How many of you Iranians got caught stealing? I want a show of hands.
Quote: 404 Not Found @ 17th December 2015, 6:39 PM GMTThe first one is a reference to Star Wars, where Admiral Akhbar's famous line from the film is "It's a trap!".
The second one, I'm guessing the mystery person is Jesus, as he supposedly turned water into wine, a wine merchant may be somewhat miffed at the supply and demand implications of such an action on his business interests.
Right - I get that one now because Jesus turned the water into wine.
My mum has dementia. It looks like it's hereditary.
What happened when Joseph and Mary dropped a plate? Jesus swept.
My friend said to me "Are you coming out?"
I said, "Oh God, how did you find out?"
He said, "err, I meant for a drink...."
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