I read the news today oh boy! Page 1,775

Commercial radio advert sponsored by HMG - Pneumonia strikes suddenly. Bloke coughs wildly. Do not be caught out by pneumonia. More coughing. Read up on the symptoms. Do not get caught out. Read up on it on pneumonia.com. We are liberals and this country is one of the most free in the western world. But think of pneumonia. Hear the tone of our voice. Read up on pneumonia. Insert woman who sounds like she is choking. Look. It's an order or we will shoot you at dawn. If your life is affected by pneumonia, well, we will say "are you surprised?" It will drive you wild. So what? You are a dangerous rebel. You didn't read up on pneumonia on hmg.pneumonia.com. That's because we care deeply. We're very liberal. Every young person knows it.

Cough.

We are very kind people. We care. We insist that you never get pneumonia for economic reasons. Pneumonia will be your fault. You will be monitored by the secret services if at 16 you don't take notice of us and pneumonia. You will be labelled as worse than ISIS. You will be like blacks and homosexuals in the 1950s. We are kind people. We will spread money wisely so that we cut it to people who have pneumonia. Thanks for listening which is a legal requirement. A demand. We are liberals. It is pneumonia freaks who are abnormal.

Pronounced coughing of what sounds like someone who is at junior school.

Pneumonia.com.

Don't risk changing your sexual orientation or having your birth skin turned into a different shade.

Fake softly softly voice of a woman. Nuance implies in private she is hard as nails.

Pneumonia.com.

Seductively breathy, almost girly girly voice.

HMG.pneumonia.com

Tell all your mates.

Off mike:

Right then, thank Christ that f**ker's done. Get PMD to pay up quick or else. Anyone for a few lines of coke?

What a busy programme we have for you this morning.

Coming up in the first hour:

We all love tax dodgers but would you ever house one? We speak to a woman who did for just a fortnight and the very next month she bought the British Virgin Islands. Also, immigrants - are they still a necessary evil?

Would we all be better off if we bulldozed buses and just let the kids go to school in our Ferraris? Oh and yes, Her Majesty, gawd bless 'er. Our roving reporter will be in her garden as soon as I bully him to check on the latest. Is it really true that not only has Wills installed his football pitch on the lawns we all so revere but Kate has managed to score three goals against a makeshift Chelsea while also changing nappies? What a gal!

All of that, yes, and don't miss this bit of breaking news which has just broken in the advertising break while we were all breaking wind in the studio in unison. Three alleged terrorists have smashed up a temple in Outer Mongolia. You need to know every detail while munching on your corn flakes because I say so, I demand it. This Government sponsored commercial radio station demands it. Repeat: My breakfast table is a newsroom. It cannot be anything else. We will hang you from a eucalyptus tree if you dare move that dial. It's 10 past 7.

What does Jerry Hall see in 84-year-old billionaire Rupert Murdoch.

I'm sure she's got plenty of her own money. God knows what the hell's going on there though.

Mind you, what does ancient, unattractive Rupert Murdoch see in ex model Jerry Hall? Maybe they're both perfectly shallow enough for each other.

'Spect the Sun shines out of his arse.........or hers.

What is all this fuss about 10°? I thought that was the body temperature of a Daily Mail reporter in any case?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/Jeremy_Corbyn/11982482/Jeremy-Corbyn-criticised-for-not-bowing-deeply-enough-at-Cenotaph-on-Remembrance-Sunday.html

So now I should be cooking fried food in lard, not oil it's cancerous

But not fried bacon, it's cancerous.

Nor salmon, it's cancerous.

Or alcohol...............
or bangers...............
or ham...................

Don't come to my next barbecue....... it's cancerous.

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 9th November 2015, 7:20 PM GMT

So now I should be cooking fried food in lard, not oil it's cancerous

But not fried bacon, it's cancerous.

Nor salmon, it's cancerous.

Or alcohol...............
or bangers...............
or ham...................

Don't come to my next barbecue....... it's cancerous.

View original

Well thank the "lord" for Stephen Goodlad. I had qualms about a few of my recent posts, not that I could have possibly known what they immediately preceded. This, though, gives me an opportunity to clarify my stance.

Cancer and similar have become cheap entertainment in the media, heavily endorsed by cost cutting Government. I would almost go as far as to say that for Government and broadcasters serious illness is grotesquely a fun topic now which is systemically raised daily via news. It plays to the unequivocally healthy and hence the dominant. It never asks what impact it might have on the less than healthy who become anxious on hearing messages that many years into their lives they can't do much about and especially those with serious illnesses themselves. Do they want to hear about their own illnesses on radio and TV every 15 minutes by Government commercial? Course they don't. It makes them feel more ghastly than they feel.

Personally I see it as a bombing by the strongest of the weakest in the weasel name of care and concern when all it amounts to is economic targeting and the sort of bullying that was generally meted out towards blacks and gays in the 1950s. Many thrive on it. I can think of at least one person who has recently departed who actually was not without critique. He had a healthy cynicism towards modern governments and by implication their broadcasting mouthpieces and rightly so. What they are doing is evil and behind my attempts at a piss take of radio there is real anger about this trend. It can make me incendiary. Thanks very much!

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 9th November 2015, 7:20 PM GMT

So now I should be cooking fried food in lard, not oil it's cancerous

But not fried bacon, it's cancerous.

Nor salmon, it's cancerous.

Or alcohol....

View original

You fry your alcohol?

So carers (who save the NHS millions) have to pay for NHS parking http://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/oct/30/tory-mps-filibuster-blocks-bill-to-give-carers-free-hospital-parking

Whilst Dr's get 11% rise, they must be barking. http://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/nov/03/jeremy-hunt-offer-junior-doctors-pay-rise

The Vampires swoop on the bleading harts, yet again. True blue.

Storm brewing locally because a nurse has been fined for parking on a grass verge when she couldn't find a parking space in the staff car park at the hospital. All the car parks at the hospital are inadequate and it is a disgrace.

Is it just me that thinks Karl Andree (the man who brewed alcohol in Saudi Arabia) is one lucky man.
I don't even have sympathy for him. He went there to make a fortune (and did) knowing full well that it was a 'dry' country and the punishment for drinking alcohol was very severe.

Did he sneak a bottle of whiskey in and have the odd crafty nip - no he brewed his own and was probably at it for the 20 years he's been there.
If you can't do the time....etc

He was a bloody idiot.

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 12th November 2015, 8:34 AM GMT

Is it just me that thinks Karl Andree (the man who brewed alcohol in Saudi Arabia) is one lucky man.

I don't even have sympathy for him. He went there to make a fortune (and did) knowing full well that it was a 'dry' country and the punishment for drinking alcohol was very severe.

Did he sneak a bottle of whiskey in and have the odd crafty nip - no he brewed his own and was probably at it for the 20 years he's been there.
If you can't do the time....etc

View original

I have a college who worked in Saudi Arabia for many years. He told us that back then, it was understood (and tolerated) that Foreigners would have home brew on the go. So long as it was kept within the community. So his take on this is, he must have upset them in other ways.

So your point about knowing the rules is a valid one, however my friend would say that was always a "soft rule" so the punishment is a bit disproportionate. Bringing a bottle of whisky through customs = hard rule. He said pretty much all froreingers had home brew on the go continually (couldn't buy it locally).

Of course in this country we applied "soft rules" to people like Jimmy Savil, Dr Shipman and NHS parking...

Just thought that I should post something on Page 1776 of this thread.

Take that, you imperialists!