British Comedy Guide

Cats!!!!! Page 190

Quote: Lee @ 27th October 2015, 11:18 PM GMT

My little cat Minnie got hit by a car on Sunday night, she didn't survive. It's been an awful few days, my girlfriend is devastated, as am I. We buried her today, in the garden under her favourite tree.

Gonna miss that little kitten, she only just turned one.

:(

Sorry to hear that Lee. Teary

Really sorry about that, Lee.

My friend's cat died a few days ago at the ripe old age of 19. Yours was so young, poor thing. I hope you and your girlfriend are feeling ok. Console

Quote: Lee @ 27th October 2015, 11:18 PM GMT

My little cat Minnie got hit by a car on Sunday night, she didn't survive. It's been an awful few days, my girlfriend is devastated, as am I. We buried her today, in the garden under her favourite tree.

Gonna miss that little kitten, she only just turned one.

:(

Teary

Sorry to hear that, I hope she didn't suffer.

Thanks guys! I don't think she suffered, at least I hope not.

We did think about keeping her indoors, seeing as we live on a somewhat busy road BUT I don't think she would have wanted to stay in. She lived at the window before we started letting her out and since we did she would run past my feet and out the door at any chance.

I'm glad we let her out because I could see she loved running around the garden, chasing butterflies n stuff.

Quote: Lee @ 28th October 2015, 8:57 PM GMT

Thanks guys! I don't think she suffered, at least I hope not.

We did think about keeping her indoors, seeing as we live on a somewhat busy road BUT I don't think she would have wanted to stay in. She lived at the window before we started letting her out and since we did she would run past my feet and out the door at any chance.

I'm glad we let her out because I could see she loved running around the garden, chasing butterflies n stuff.

My young cat's like that, she'll hang around on the garage roof and survey the area. My old cat likes spitting contempt at the pigeons outside.

Wherever you live it can be dangerous; people whizz down my road to avoid the roundabout.

Very sad Lee
Hope you're ok mate

I just let mine out the back in my new place
But there's trains there so I still worry a bit

http://www.buzzfeed.com/johnnyr6/cool-for-cats-20-musicians-chilling-with-their-fe-arl4#.ixGr8Kk6N

Happy Halloween

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Quote: Gordon Bennett @ 30th October 2015, 8:08 AM GMT

http://www.buzzfeed.com/johnnyr6/cool-for-cats-20-musicians-chilling-with-their-fe-arl4#.ixGr8Kk6N

The picture of Phil Collins holding those kittens has now become my favourite picture - ever. Lovey

Quote: Loopey @ 30th October 2015, 10:18 AM GMT

Happy Halloween

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Beware of cats in the belfry.

Tom Waits, you are not that cat's mum, hold it properly. Angry And Rod Stewart, put some bloody clothes on.

Haven't seen Chips all day
And he hardly ever goes out in teh new house
Very worried :(

Oh no. :(
Cat anxiety is the worst feeling.
He's probably just got shut in someone's garage or shed, hopefully he'll turn up very soon.

Yes fingers crossed he's ok & back soon

The Cat Journeys to the Underworld

Three fat cats in the kitchen sink
One bends over to take a drink
the others pushed him down into the drain
he fell forever but felt no pain.
He rolled to the feet of the Underlord
Whose head was bound with a silver cord
"It's a shame, dear cat, but there's nothing to do
You're stuck down here till we're through with you.

"The demons of the dark and the Hounds of Hell
Will pull off your face and take your tail.
They'll take your black fur and your soft white paws,
your sharp front fangs and your powerful jaws,
They'll grind your bones down to tiny rocks,
then toss all your parts into a box.
They'll breathe inside and shake it well
Then sew you back together at the gates of Hell

Then you'll stand up tall on your two hind legs
with velvet skin and eyes like the day
Your fangs and your fur will have crumbled to dust
and you won't want to walk, but walk you must.
With your whiskers gone and your new hands strong,
you'll stroll back up to where you were wronged;
head on over to the kitchen sink --
I suggest you don't give them time to think."

So in came the demons and the Hounds of Hell
They cut him up and did it well
He was shaken in the box and emerged whole
He had a new shape but the same cat soul.
He traveled back up through the Underworld
and walked right into to the sacred grove.
He emerged from the woods as a prophet of beasts
Drew all the honey from the hives of bees.

The mice and the shrews peeked beneath the plants
and from the earth blazed a stream of ants.
The sparrows and the falcons swooped down to see
And the bobcats crept up to his knee.
He charmed all the foxes out of their dens
then they all went in to the city of men.
Vines grew down from his eyes to his knees
but only the beasts saw this Jack of the Green.

Into the kitchen, right to the sink,
to the two fat cats vying for a drink.
Surrounded by the foxes and the hum of bees
he towered over his foes and said his piece.
They stared right back with unblinking eyes,
licked their paws, groomed their lies.
He thought about sending them down the drain
but figured he had very little to gain

He went back into the forest and the sacred grove
and dug out a home with the deer and the toads.
With mud on his face and green in his teeth,
He knew he had little cause to leave.
The cicadas and the frogs made music so clear,
the kind he'd never had the chance to hear.
He danced upright on his two hind legs
And that is how he lived out his days.

Do treacherous cats prosper? I think not.
The very next day brought a threatening dog.
He chased the cats right out of the house,
the lazy things couldn't even catch a mouse.
They grew so thin that the light shone through
they had plenty of time to think of what they'd do
if they had the chance to change their deeds-
woe to the foes of Jack of the Green.

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