Quote: Lazarus Goldfinger @ 14th September 2015, 1:18 PM BST
Thanks again Bonzo! 
I just about managed to bash the sketches and advert out, and hurl them through the slamming door.
Okay folks, here's my Sketch Virgin whine:
I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that NJ only wants sketches with a maximum length of two pages? But I found that - after taking into account Nish's obligatory set-up intro (about a third of a page using their template) and various flavour-adding SFX or Grams (when put together, at least another two thirds of a page) - I'm left with barely a page on which to write the actual meat of the sketch?!
I can barely set the scene before I have to rap it up with a punchline. I cobbled together a couple of sketches, but they did have a feeling of ending rather prematurely, before the rhythm started to flow (well I did say I was a Sketch Virgin!).
It's really frustrating, because they have asked for a bit of action in the sketches rather than just talking heads, but when you pop in a bit of sound (e.g. a split-second balloon pop) it takes up a whole extra "space/line/space" chunk of the page, sacrificing potentially hilarious( he dreams!) dialogue space.
I timed the sketches from last weeks show to give me a decent idea of the desired length, they averaged 1:40 - 2 mins in length, but when I read my own sketches back (sketches that I barely crammed in over two pages) they lasted around 45 seconds??? Including Nish's intro, they're barely over a minute? (Actually, does Nish's intro count towards the "two page maximum" length, or is the 2 page maximum ruling only alluding the actual sketch itself?)
In other words, despite my best efforts, my sketches feel a bit too short for the required job and end very prematurely. Story of my life!
Has anyone else experienced this problem? Any tips on how to overcome it (I meant the SKETCH WRITING problem!)?
Thanks,
(End of whine)
LG.
Okay I'm going to offer my opinion based on being a little more established (in the pre-show briefings last 3 series, 7 credits in last 3 series, 4 of them sketches, and commissioned writer for one episode - yes I am boasting!)
They reserve the right, and inevitably will re-write your schetches if they use them, they may cut them down, but more often than not, expand them with better jokes.
The reason they prefer 2 pages to 3+ (and I say this as someone who has been in a writing group for a while now where we feedback on each other's sketches) anything that is longer than 2 pages gets boring to read - especially if you're reading 1000+ sketches per week. What you want is a killer premise with great jokes that pertain tightly to the premise, a strong through line, with a bit of action (rather than just conversational explanations of what's going on) and tight nice out joke. You want something that they can see the potential in, something that perhaps instantly inspires more jokes as they read them.
That's why brevity is so damned important. Brevity is funnier. Get in with the set up, a few top quality gags, and get out again.
The intro should be an opening gag, and a line to set up the premise, you should already be away by the time you start the sketch proper - any opening there is potentially just repetition, unless you need to set up the framing of the sketch, in which case make that as short as possible. By the 2nd/3rd line you should already be nicely into the middle of the sketch. The outro should be tight and short, but also funny, the funnier the better.
Hope that helps.
