Quote: Yacob Wingnut @ 19th June 2015, 7:43 PM BSTAnyone want to post their sketches in critique? I suddenly feel shy about posting my own stuff.
It would be kind of nice to see stuff that nearly made it, see how good it is. What I'm saying is: show me yours but I'm not showing you mine.
I submitted three sketches but was not long- or short- listed. I thought others might like to see the sketches I submitted. I'm not after critique particularly, but I'm sure many are curious about what work was rejected. Here is one, about the School Nurse, Mr. Hart.
---------------------------------
Class Dismissed: Bee Sting Sketch
Speaking Characters
(the pupils names/characters can be changed to suit existing ids)
MR HART - School Nurse
ANTON - Mr Hart's current patient: a dim and unfortunate pupil.
INT. FIRST AID ROOM - DAY
(MR HART is immersed in a delicate procedure. On his workspace are a variety of craft materials: trays of paste, brushes and anti-spill paint/water pots. There are traces of glitter on his surgical gloves. MR HART tears a small strip of newspaper from a sheet, and delicately brushes it with paste and, using tweezers, transfers it to a examining bed, upon which ANTON is now revealed. ANTON sits with his arm suspended above his head by a newspaper mache cast; an HB pencil has been implanted into the cast as a supportive strut between his ribcage and his underarm. He looks like a badly repaired teapot.
MR HART carefully applies the final piece of paper and brushes it in place.)
MR HART
Okaaay. Give it a month or so, your elbow will be good as new.
ANTON
It's just a bee sting, sir.
MR HART
A bee sting is not a trivial injury, Anton. Have you heard of anaphylactic shock?
ANTON
No, sir.
(The application is complete. MR HART removes his surgical gloves in order to write up some medical notes.)
MR HART
My great uncle: he was an explorer and hunter across all six continents and also Europe. He faced poisonous snakes, wild tigers, grizzly bears, and one time, a pretty grumpy rhinoceros. But despite confronting all kind of predators, do you wanna guess which was the 'big game' that got the better of him?
ANTON
Um. Was it 'Total Wipeout' with Richard Hammond?
MR HART
It was a bee, Anton. A single sting from a single bee.
ANTON
No way! Where was he stung?
MR HART
In the Rockies.
ANTON
(a lap-flinch) Oootch!
MR HART
The Rockie mountains. He was climbing in the Rockie mountains when he got stung. Right here, on his left thumb.
ANTON
Wow. So did he get a nanny-fanatic shock?
MR HART
Well, ...no. Because of the swelling, he lost his grip and fell into a ravine.
ANTON
Flippin 'eck.
MR HART
So: do you wanna go ask my great uncle if there is such a thing as just a bee sting?
ANTON
Is he still there?
MR HART
Where?
ANTON
In the ravine?
MR HART
No! He's been dead a long time.
ANTON
Oh well, in that case, no sir: I don't want to go and ask your great uncle if there is such a thing as just a bee sting.
(MR HART concludes his paperwork.)
MR HART
Good. So, the swelling should subside in a day or two. But we'll leave the cast on for one month, just to be good and safe. Try and keep it dry. Avoid showering. Don't bathe or swim. No excessive crying or perspiration.
ANTON
Okay.
MR HART
And you're gonna want to invert your whole body for twenty minutes each hour, day and night. That way, the blood continues to circulate to your fingers. You don't want them to shrivel up and fall off.
ANTON
Right.
MR HART
Also, come see me if a-a-any tiny perforations appear in the plaster. Could be wheat mites from the flour glue- they can be prett-y nasty. But easy to treat. With chemicals or fire.
ANTON
Gotcha. So do I still have to go to PE this afternoon?
MR HART
Yes, you still have to go to PE.
ANTON
Aw.
MR HART
Anton, it's just a bee sting.
END
Nice work.
Anyone remember this opp?
Well, here it is: http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b06zzp4r/class-dismissed-1-first-day-of-term
Dan
Thanks Dan! I was way off the mark with what I submitted. I think they should've posted a sample script to give a better idea of what they wanted for this. Good opportunity though.
All the writers in the first episode are fairly 'in'. Maybe in the next episode they'll be some new names.
EDIT -- Here's a post on some of the new writers who got something in the show: http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/writersroom/entries/13d66002-0c99-421c-9c8d-4ed3bebd0ed5 . Well done to them!
BTW, there was another CBBC opportunity on BBC writers room recently. Anyone enter it? It was for people who want to pitch an animated series idea.
Quote: Yacob Wingnut @ 1st February 2016, 5:14 PM GMTEDIT -- Here's a post on some of the new writers who got something in the show: http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/writersroom/entries/13d66002-0c99-421c-9c8d-4ed3bebd0ed5 . Well done to them!
Thanks for that, haven't had a chance to watch the actual show yet but the blog was interesting. There were only 4 writers selected in the end? No wonder I didn't know anyone who got the best of news e-mail!
And hope the BBC run something like this again as it was fun to try my hand at children's comedy.
Quote: StephenM @ 15th February 2016, 5:09 PM GMTNo wonder I didn't know anyone who got the best of news e-mail!
Now you do! 
The end product was slightly different from the sketch I'd submitted but it was still pretty surreal to see my work on TV and, as you say, was great fun to write. Hopefully there'll be more opportunities like this in the future.
Awesome man! Well done!
BTW, are you a poster on another British comedy forum or is the name a coincidence?
Thanks! No - I only post here, and sporadically at that.
Quote: JockieWrites @ 15th February 2016, 8:25 PM GMTNow you do!
The end product was slightly different from the sketch I'd submitted but it was still pretty surreal to see my work on TV and, as you say, was great fun to write. Hopefully there'll be more opportunities like this in the future.
Well done JockieWrites! Superb work and if I knew how to do emojis properly I'd do one of me doffing my cap to you.
Quote: StephenM @ 16th February 2016, 12:50 PM GMTWell done JockieWrites! Superb work and if I knew how to do emojis properly I'd do one of me doffing my cap to you.
I repeat that sentiment, well done indeed!
Quote: JockieWrites @ 15th February 2016, 8:25 PM GMTNow you do!
The end product was slightly different from the sketch I'd submitted but it was still pretty surreal to see my work on TV and, as you say, was great fun to write. Hopefully there'll be more opportunities like this in the future.
Well done JockieWrites - my daughter LOVES Class Dismissed!
This opportunity has reopened for 2016. As last year, the deadline is quite short: 14th April.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/opportunities/class-dismissed-sketch-writing-initiative
I may have a quiz in mind.
Two sketches submitted!
Good luck to everyone that's entered!
J x
