SHOPKEEPER: Excuse me, sir, you can't do that.
CUSTOMER: I'm not doing anything, am I?
SHOPKEEPER: Not yet. You're about to. You're about to touch a peach.
CUSTOMER: Of course. I want to see if they're ripe.
SHOPKEEPER: Well you can't. Not yet, anyway.
CUSTOMER: You're not telling me I can't touch this peach unless I buy it, surely.
SHOPKEEPER: Oh, no, sir, that would be ridiculous. But you can't touch the fruit until you like it.
CUSTOMER: Like it?
SHOPKEEPER: Like it, sir, yes. Access to this content requires a like.
CUSTOMER: Content? You mean the fruit?
SHOPKEEPER: The content. And yes, this particular content is fructile, as it happens. And it has like-dependent access rights.
CUSTOMER: But, how do I know whether I like it? That's why I'm going to touch it, to see whether I like it.
SHOPKEEPER: Oh, I wouldn't overthink it, sir. It's not a test. You simply like the content -
CUSTOMER: Fruit.
SHOPKEEPER: - Then you access the content -
CUSTOMER: The fruit.
SHOPKEEPER: And then you go about deciding whether or not you actually want it, to your heart's content.
CUSTOMER: Fruit!
SHOPKEEPER: Sorry, sir?
CUSTOMER: Oh, sorry, nothing. But, wait, this is nonsense, it's all back to front. How can I make a qualitative judgement about fruit I'm not allowed to experience?
SHOPKEEPER: As I say, sir, you're overcomplicating the issue.
CUSTOMER: It's like marrying a girl so you can ask her name
SHOPKEEPER: A rather old-fashioned standpoint, if I may make so bold.
CUSTOMER: Is it?
SHOPKEEPER: Oh, yes.
CUSTOMER: Alright. Well, err, how do I go about liking this peach, then?
SHOPKEEPER: Just tell everyone you like it.
CUSTOMER: But that will be wrong.
SHOPKEEPER: Potentially wrong, sir. Don't cloud the issue with exaggerations. And I wouldn't worry about it, sir, everyone knows you don't mean it.
CUSTOMER: What's the point of doing it then?
SHOPKEEPER: Because this content requires a
CUSTOMER: [Joining in] like - yes, I see. OK. " I like the peaches". Is that enough?
SHOPKEEPER: Not exactly, sir. You have to do it so that everyone can hear, otherwise it has no value as a statement.
CUSTOMER: You already said it has no value as a statement!
SHOPKEEPER: Oh, no. I said it wasn't true, that's quite a different thing. Have another go.
CUSTOMER: [Loudish] I like the peach.
SHOPKEEPER: I think you can do better than that.
CUSTOMER: [Shout] I like the peach!
SHOPKEEPER: Very good, sir. Now, you may access the content to the limits of your giddy, breathless wishes.
CUSTOMER: You mean, I can touch the peach?
SHOPKEEPER: Yes.
CUSTOMER: [Beat] Oh.
SHOPKEEPER: Going so soon, sir?
CUSTOMER: Yes. These peaches are vastly over-ripe and - look - this one has a huge bruise.
SHOPKEEPER: Never mind. Perhaps you'd like to try our greengages.
CUSTOMER: No, I don't think so.
SHOPKEEPER: I think you'll find you want to buy our greengages, sir.
CUSTOMER: Why's that?
SHOPKEEPER: Over 800 people like them.
CUSTOMER: Ooh, must be good then. I'll take a dozen.
