British Comedy Guide

American Comedy from a live American

please silence your cellphones and children for the American is about to speak...

You know, people say Americans can be anti-intellectual and gun-hungry. I disagree. When we are the the shooting range every night to relax we only shoot at pictures of Universities, not actual Universities. There is a difference between a picture of a thing, and the actual thing. For example, the picture of a dog, differs from a real dog. The picture of a potato cannot be eaten, but a potato can be eaten. A picture is a visual representation of a thing. For example, a picture of a cow cannot be milked, but a cow can be milked. More can be found in my new book, "A picture of a thing is different."

- John Riddick

Professor of Logic, New Hampshire University, USA

You owe me 20 pounds.

You may be alive now but I'm sure there's a higher chance of getting shot dead in Yankland.

Laughing out loud

Alive now? I was shot at twice this morning but was unharmed... we are prepared because it is so frequent... you act like we don't have bulletproof cutting boards. (you guys probably call it something different... here... http://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=cutting%20board&oe=UTF-8&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hl=en&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi)

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