Hi, I'm developing sketches based around two slightly psychotic tabloid journalists who speak entirely in tabloid headlines. Please tell me what you think. Thanks.
EXT: DAY. A MALE AND A FEMALE TABLOID JOURNALIST ARE ENTERING A BURGER BAR DRIVE THRU.
Assistant:
So, 2 Big Greedy meals with coffee. You wanna go Ballistic on those?
Male journalist:
I’m alright Jack
SHE HANDS THE JOURNALISTS THEIR MEALS.
Female journalist:
Double whammy!
THEY LOOK INSIDE THEIR BAGS.
Male journalist:
Uh oh – Shame of uk’s fave burger chain!
HE SHOWS HIS MEAL TO THE FEMALE JOURNALIST.
Female journalist:
So sick! Now they put love juice in burgers!
Assistant:
It’s mayonnaise, love.
MALE JOURNALIST LOOKS AT THE ASSISTANT’S NAME BADGE.
Male journalist:
Curvy blonde Elishia shows her spunk!
Assistant:
That comment is flawed on biological grounds.
Female journalist:
Burger boffin is top of the class!
HE TAKES A PLASTIC KNIFE AND FORK AND SCRATCHES HER ARM. AT THE SAME TIME, HE SQUIRTS A LOAD OF KETCHUP ONTO THE SAME AREA.
Male journalist:
Grief after attack of ‘my lovely girl’.
Assistant:
Aaaargh! You’ve cut me, you mad bastard!
Female journalist:
She asked for it!
SHE SLAPS THE GIRL’S FACE AND SQUITS A LOT MORE KETCHUP. THE GIRL FALLS OVER THE COUNTER, BELIEVING THAT HER FACE HAS BEEN SLASHED.
Male journalist:
Bloodbath at burger bar!
THEY DRIVE OFF.
Female journalist:
Murder journos in 130mph getaway.
THE ASSISTANT DABS THE ‘BLOOD’ WITH HER FINGER AND LICKS IT.
Assistant:
Local sexpot in Ketchup stitch up…..
CUT
