Tell us a joke Page 102

I just bought the dictionary.
<spoiler alert>
The zebra did it.

When I last read it, it was the Zyxt wot dunnit.

I told my wife sperm is rich in protein. She swallowed it.

Quote: Reg N @ 2nd May 2015, 4:57 PM BST

I just bought the dictionary.
<spoiler alert>
The zebra did it.

View original

That's cool. This isn't a joke, but a friend told me that when she went to see 'Titanic', at a certain point someone actually screamed, 'Oh NO: an iceberg!' What were they expecting?

I've been trying to objectively assess my tightrope walking.

And on balance, I'm not very good!!!!

I take lessons from Graham Norton. He's my camp instructor.

-Hi, I'm looking for one of those Brazilian friction drums.
-Cuica?
-HiI'mlookingforoneofthoseBrazilianfrictiondrums.

I went to McDonald's, I said, 'I'd like a Big Mac please.' He said, 'With relish?' I said, 'OOOH, I'D LIKE A BIG MAC PLEASE.'

Quote: FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange @ 3rd May 2015, 11:09 AM BST

I've been trying to objectively assess my tightrope walking.

And on balance, I'm not very good!!!!

View original

IMHO, you don't need the word "objectively" and the funny pivot is "on balance" so that should be the final words of the joke.

"Been trying to assess my tightrope walking.

I'm not very good... on balance."

My girlfriend has installed cameras in our bathroom. It's so she can watch me with her bidet eyes.

My brother tells me its my fault he has insomnia,
Nasty man, put that guilt trip on me!
I mean, how does he sleep at night? :-)

What's the difference between strange offspring and One Direction? Strange offspring are cookie runts.

Quote: Tony Cowards @ 3rd May 2015, 3:39 PM BST

IMHO, you don't need the word "objectively" and the funny pivot is "on balance" so that should be the final words of the joke.

"Been trying to assess my tightrope walking.

I'm not very good... on balance."

View original

Hi Tony,
Thank you once again for ripping my joke apart and reminding me why your a great joke writer and I'm just a milkman!!! :-)

however this time I feel you have created a totally different joke (ok some might say much better joke, etc. but still totally different)

yours misses the point of why I'd say "on balance",

effectively you are adding a statement at the end that has not been asked for?

the statement
"Been trying to assess my tightrope walking.
I'm not very good" is the end of the sentence, it doesn't need "on balance"

However by stating that I was trying to "Objectively" Assess my tightrope walking, I'm implying that I want my Assessment to be objective or "A balanced Judgement of how good I am"

and my conclusion was "On Balance" I'm not very good!

I know I can't possibly win this as you clearly know far more than I do, however I think this time I can at least try make a good point.

P.S. thank you for your comments.

I went with my girlfriend to a needle exchange. We just traded insults.

Quote: FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange @ 4th May 2015, 12:10 PM BST

Hi Tony,
Thank you once again for ripping my joke apart and reminding me why your a great joke writer and I'm just a milkman!!! :-)

however this time I feel you have created a totally different joke (ok some might say much better joke, etc. but still totally different)

yours misses the point of why I'd say "on balance",

effectively you are adding a statement at the end that has not been asked for?

the statement
"Been trying to assess my tightrope walking.
I'm not very good" is the end of the sentence, it doesn't need "on balance"

However by stating that I was trying to "Objectively" Assess my tightrope walking, I'm implying that I want my Assessment to be objective or "A balanced Judgement of how good I am"

and my conclusion was "On Balance" I'm not very good!

I know I can't possibly win this as you clearly know far more than I do, however I think this time I can at least try make a good point.

P.S. thank you for your comments.

View original

Sorry, I hope you realise my "critique" only comes from a position of love.

You could be totally right and I understand that I may've written a different joke, that's the beauty of comedy. After all, there are certain "rules" to jokewriting but like all rules of comedy they are there to be broken.

Anyway, hope you didn't mind my comments and thank you for the kind words.

Quote: FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange @ 4th May 2015, 12:10 PM BST

Hi Tony,
Thank you once again for ripping my joke apart and reminding me why your a great joke writer and I'm just a milkman!!! :-)

however this time I feel you have created a totally different joke (ok some might say much better joke, etc. but still totally different)

yours misses the point of why I'd say "on balance",

effectively you are adding a statement at the end that has not been asked for?

the statement
"Been trying to assess my tightrope walking.
I'm not very good" is the end of the sentence, it doesn't need "on balance"

However by stating that I was trying to "Objectively" Assess my tightrope walking, I'm implying that I want my Assessment to be objective or "A balanced Judgement of how good I am"

and my conclusion was "On Balance" I'm not very good!

I know I can't possibly win this as you clearly know far more than I do, however I think this time I can at least try make a good point.

P.S. thank you for your comments.

View original

Nah, I need to side with Tony here.

'Objectively' is rather superfluous. Usually the rule holds to cut away anything that's not absolutely necessary. (Would you 'assess' anything 'un-objectively'?)
But it's not essential that it be discarded.

However, 'on balance' is best at the end, as it is the gag.
Else you have the gag and then still most of the sentence to come.
As Tony points out, it is best - wherever possible - to deliver the gag on the very last word.