I accidentally spilled my boss' coffee. He gave me a proper roasting.
My boss met his partner on a coffee dating app. Grindr.
Tell us a joke Page 99
Quote: Chappers @ 26th April 2015, 2:40 PM BSTBudgie?
You're right! My spelling is atroshious.
Masterchef asked 3000 priests, What's the tastiest spice? They all said Emma Bunton.
Quote: gappy @ 26th April 2015, 11:36 AM BST-So, what grade did you give that Caffe, Nero?
-C, baroni.
Nero fiddled while Rome burned. Didn't know he was a priest too.
My car has a 'Baby on Board' sticker, so the person behind will slow down. Unless it's a priest, he'll speed up.
I'm the opposite of a priest. I'll f**k anything that's OVER sixteen.
Quote: gappy @ 26th April 2015, 11:36 AM BST-So, what grade did you give that Caffe, Nero?
-C, baroni.
Oops, I've just realised, Nero was the caterpillar 
Stiletto was the crow who said "Si, baroni". 
I loved watching Dangermouse in Gaelic gappy. It was called Donnie Murdo.
Speaking of stilettos ...
Women love their shoes more than men. They are always falling head over heels for them.
It took me 20 years to run the sewage plant. I started at the bottom.
That's a bit of an awkward structure, plus you're hitting the punchline a little on the nose?
Maybe
Sewage work maybe stinky, but it is fair, everybody starts at the bottom
Or maybe:
I'm retired now, but I worked my life at the sewage plant, I started at the bottom (beat)
and when I reached 65 I was eliminated.
The cemetery that my late grandad fought to save and is buried in, was sold this week to developers.
He'll be turning in his grave.
My grandad is a zombie carpenter; I bet he's turning in his grave.
Quote: gappy @ 27th April 2015, 1:30 PM BSTMy grandad is a zombie carpenter; I bet he's turning in his grave.
My grandad is a zombie carpenter; he's dead wood.
He's a impotent zombie carpenter; plenty of wood in his pencil.
Karen zombie Carpenter; She's stick thin.
Gussie Fink Nottle zombie carpenter; burried in a double barrel.
A Jewish zombie carpenter; Jesus alive !
OK these aren't quiet finish. Finish me off will you.
My granddad worked in the textile industry and was buried before he was dead.
He'll be spinning in his grave
My dad was a butcher. He worked his fingers to the bone.
If my dad ejaculates on my toes, should I get out of the cum/foot zone?
My girlfriend gives amazing head. They just blow me away.
My girlfriend loves snorting my cum. She's developing a cockaine problem.