http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-32296663
An Australian golfer has been bitten by a crocodile. The injury will be prove to be a huge handicap.
I read the news today oh boy! Page 1,723
Bit too predictable a joke? Mention "golf" and "crocodile bite" most people will say "handicap".
http://rbth.co.uk/news/2014/12/09/russia_takes_gold_at_amputee_football_world_cup_42093.html
Russia have won the 14th amputee football World Cup. All matches were played over one leg.
When's the stripper coming on?
Quote: AndyGWiz @ 16th April 2015, 6:07 PM BSThttp://rbth.co.uk/news/2014/12/09/russia_takes_gold_at_amputee_football_world_cup_42093.html
Russia have won the 14th amputee football World Cup. All matches were played over one leg.
You're sailing close to the wind now, and I don't think that will go down well with the sort of audiences I cater to. 
Come on, I only need a bit more for the rest of the act. 
A woman has served divorce papers via Facebook. She says they don't like the same things anymore. She is also fighting for custody of the selfies.
Do give us a break, Andy. How are you voting?
I am sorry Paul you do not like my News stories which I am posting on a Comedy forum. At least I have been made to feel welcome by other members.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-scotland-business-32332782
A Scottish food company is about to sell luxury venison black pudding. I won't be able to afford it, because it'll be bloody deer.
Quote: AndyGWiz @ 17th April 2015, 11:16 AM BSTI am sorry Paul you do not like my News stories which I am posting on a Comedy forum. At least I have been made to feel welcome by other members.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-scotland-business-32332782
A Scottish food company is about to sell venison black pudding. Many won't be able to afford it, because it will be bloody deer.
That's better and summat I can use. 
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-india-32172798
Monkeys in India are chewing their way through fibre optic cables. It seems they are trying to get online to visit their favourite websites - Gorillavid & Amazon.
This isn't a showcase thread, Andy, though you are welcome to the site.
Quote: Paul Wimsett @ 17th April 2015, 1:54 PM BSTThis isn't a showcase thread, Andy, though you are welcome to the site.
There's no problem. He's highlighting a news story and making a comment.
Quote: Chappers @ 17th April 2015, 5:02 PM BSTThere's no problem. He's highlighting a news story and making a comment.
Agree.
Sorry I didn't like the act, Andy. Better second house.
No harm no foul Paul. Thanks Chappers. That is a good way of putting it.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-28452943
Scientists have discovered the sun can damage the sight as well as the skin. They recommend if you don't want to wear sunglasses and prefer to show off your white bits, then you should apply Factor 20 20 on each eyeball.