I read the news today oh boy! Page 1,722

Quote: AndyGWiz @ 13th April 2015, 3:16 PM BST

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-30552150

Olympic Swimmer, Michael Phelps has made a big splash, after pleading guilty to drink driving. It appears that not only he swims like a fish, he drinks like one also.

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Quote: AndyGWiz @ 4th April 2015, 8:37 PM BST

3. Olympic Swimmer, Michael Phelps has made a big splash, after pleading guilty to drink driving. It appears that not only he swims like a fish, he drinks like one also. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-30552150

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Quote: Alfred J Kipper @ 12th April 2015, 10:12 PM BST

Police decide not to attend to Hatton Garden alarm call.

Finally some senior officers need to get sacked or preferably jailed for dereliction of duty to finally make them change their ways. Letting them off all the time just encourages it more.

However, with 2 previous break ins the company should have manned security as well as alarms. For 20 odd grand a year they'd save having to lose hundreds of grand in lost custom now, and many millions if they gave customers guarantees. They should know our police aren't up to it.

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Echoes of the Hustle series 6 - The Hush Heist. Life imitating art or just giving them the plan?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-32173159

Kate and Alfie from EastEnders are to appear in a new spin-off series. They are said to be over the Moon.

Those with mental health conditions should wear wristbands, says Tory candidate for Cambridge

http://cambridge.tab.co.uk/2015/04/13/mental-health-conditions-wear-wristbands-says-tory-candidate-cambridge/

Quote: Loopey @ 14th April 2015, 7:05 PM BST

Those with mental health conditions should wear wristbands, says Tory candidate for Cambridge

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I thought people who wore wrist bands had mental health problems anyway.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-32277415

Sheila Kitzinger, a leading natural childbirth expert has died. She was pushing 90.

Quote: AndyGWiz @ 15th April 2015, 6:53 AM BST

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-32277415

Sheila Kitzinger, a leading natural childbirth expert has died. She was pushing 90.

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Keep going with these - I've nearly got my next stand up gig written.

Thanks Hercules,

I was wondering when someone noticed. This is my act.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-29508446

Celtic player Anthony Stokes is facing trial for allegedly assaulting an Elvis impersonator. He was seen on Sunday after crying in the chapel.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-32299775

A man died after his sit-on lawnmower flipped on top of him. His life was tragically cut short.

Quote: AndyGWiz @ 15th April 2015, 11:34 AM BST

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-32299775

A man died after his sit-on lawnmower flipped on top of him. His life was cut short.

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>_< Oooh, can't use that! Happened in my neck of the woods.

That headline sounds like he angered his bisexual wife.

Sorry, just trying to find out the ley-of the-landii.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/31975274

Qatar are to host the World Cup in 2022. They sound like they should be hosting a lung cancer convention.

Loveable Jocks eh? Don't you just love 'em?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-32318278

Quote: Chappers @ 15th April 2015, 11:47 PM BST

Loveable Jocks eh? Don't you just love 'em?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-32318278

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Just a wee laddie wi' a wee problem.

But, in all this type of thing, don't you just love the way their employers stand by them? In most other professions feet wouldn't touch.