Skit Comp 8 - 15.2.15

More hilarity anad so congratulations to LEE for winning. PM me with a subject for next wank please.
Hence:

Votes - Points - Name
4 - 10 - Lee
3 - 5 - Dave C
2 - 1 - Gappy
Speckled mention: Nick81

Your new subject: WIKI (chosen by Stylee Ting Ting).

Rules:
One entry/vote per person. Anyone can enter regardless of colour, sexual preferences or inside leg measurement, except voles.
Can be a sketch, joke, lyric or anything else as long as it's yours and vaguely linked to the topic. Please try to only post your entry/vote and no other posts.
You can edit your entry as much as you want, up until the closing time.

Competition Closes: 15.2.15

Overall Leader Board is now:
Position - Points - Name
Votes - Points - Name
1 - 10 - Lee
2 - 5 - Dave C
3 - 1 - Gappy

A father watches his son do homework, who is using Wikipedia.

FATHER:
In my day, when we wanted to learn something; we read it in a book.

SON:
It must've been awful.

FATHER:
It was son, it really was.

The Father weeps and the son tries to console him.

END.

Will Smith:
Wiki Wiki Wild Wild West

Me:
I did. Apparently it's shit

Q: What do you get if you cross Jonathan Ross with an online encyclopedia article on the creator of "The Office"?

A: Wiki Gervais

COMIC RELIEVED

If you donate just one pound to Africa - you're one tight bastard.
Please donate to Africa, because if we all give just a little we could finally put an end to Comic Relief. The horror of our top comedians acting like silly little arses because if they don't they'll look like a cross between Adolf Hitler and another Adolf Hitler. The shame of Ricky Gervais, he of the Helen Keller / pedo / polio gags, acting like he'll lose sleep over lickle diddie Afro kid not getting his diddums. The humiliation of walking round with a nose redder than a bleedin' baboon's backside. My jealousy at Jack Dee getting trapped in a canoe with Mel C and spouting, 'My helmet's all covered in scratches.'
Oh, and Live Aid. Live soddin' Aid. Sorry, but if you're anti-world suffering, how come you let Phil Collins play TWICE? Hardly a charitable gesture, is it? What next, One Direction team up with Justin Bieber and Wings for a rousing anthem of 'If yer wanna be my lover?' The ghost of Jimmy Savile takes up residency in Great Ormond Street Hospital? ''Ow's about THAT, then?' Michael Jackson's black, sorry back, and he thinks he's Jesus. Not your average Jesus - more a sort of bleached, deranged, sleep-with-the-kids tosser. What's black and white and red all over? Michael Jackson menstruating.
And anti-bullying campaigns. 'If you bully kids, you'll end up with no friends.' Well of course you won't, you're a bully, you don't want friends do you? 'I only want to be loved, Sir. That's why I filled little Johnny's pubis with acid and shoved his head down the toilet to the beat of Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance' on Monday morning.' Kid got bullied - they kept calling him gay - in the end he committed suicide. So he obviously was gay - killing yerself just for that. you wuss? Not exactly a Kray twin, are you? Oh, and how come if you hate school, they punish you by suspending you? Keep 'em in there.
Together, we can make a change. No more 'Do They Know It's Christmas?' - great question, guys - when there's always some sad never-has-been who has to exaggerate her line 'cos drugs aside it's the only line she's had in years: 'DOOOO-WAH THEYYY KKNNNOOOWWWWW-URGH?' No more Oxfam jumpers that make Bob Geldof look like Bob Pattinson. No more camp interviewers who make Bruce Foresythe - Bruised Foreskin, more like -look like Bruce Lee. No more Alan Carr. And the only appealing I want is Mel C a-peeling her jodhpurs off.

[Shiny urban bar. SANDRA is at the bar sipping a drink, probably looking at a phone. Enter NICKY]

NICKY: Hey there! Let me guess, Gemini?

SANDRA: No, Sandra.

NICKY: Yeah? I'm Nicky? Hey, what you drinking?

SANDRA: Oh, thanks. Vodka and orange.

NICKY: Oh, Right, I wasn't buying you one, I just wanted to know. Because I like to learn facts. Got a big love for the facts. Big brain, if you catch my drift. Hey, I know so many facts, my pals call me Nicky Pedia. Go on, try me. Ask me anything.

SANDRA: Who directed the film Sex & The City 2?

NICKY: [Beat] Absolutely anything at all.

SANDRA: What's the population of Botswana.

NICKY: Ha, I'm not falling for that, you made it up. I mean, ask me normal stuff.

SANDRA: Like history?

NICKY: Like football.

SANDRA: OK. How many times have Celtic won the SPL?

NICKY: Proper football! Alright, tell you what, how about I just wow you with some random choice facts? Nicky Pedia, coming at you al dente! Go: The banana is really a fruit. Casinos don't have thermometers, and all the numbers in a game of petanque add up to 666. Swans mate for life and break their partners' arms. Janet Jackson bought the skin of the Elephant's Man, John McCririck. The colour of Jesus beard was invented by Pepsi.

SANDRA: [Sigh] None of that is true.

NICKY: Maybe not, but hey, I know two things about you.

SANDRA: Go on.

NICKY: You love drinking vodka and cranberry juice, and you're coming home with me, baby.

SANDRA: I think not.

NICKY: But I'm really good in bed.

SANDRA: [Finishing drink, and walking away] Citation needed.

Gappy.

The Ting Ting

Gappy

Gappy.

Senor Gappy.