British Comedy Guide

Stand up skit to comedy sketch

Hello. I performed a stand up skit that went down well with audiences a few months ago and was told to try and make it into a sketch. I'm not an expert on sketches but I've given it a go and would appreciate any feedback on writing style (preferably constructive or downright negative). I consider it to be like a poor man's Mitchell and Webb sketch (maybe even a homeless man's).

It's to do with the real reason the Mayan calendar ended in 2012. Cheers.

1. SFX: SHOP BELL

2. SHOP WORKER:
Hey up Dave. How's it going?

3. DAVE (OWNER):
Yeah not too bad. Just a quickie. I just want to know how the business is going recently.

4. SHOP WORKER:
Yeah not bad. Everyone needs calendars. In fact I've just finished the CLIFF RICHARD 2012 calendar actually. I think this one could be his best yet.

5. DAVE (OWNER):
Sorry, did you say 2012? Why have you made a 2012 calendar already?

6. SHOP WORKER:
In case people want to buy in advance. I mean it's 1999 now so it's not too far away.

7. DAVE (OWNER):
Yes. BC not AD.

8. SHOP WORKER:
Are they a tribute band?

9. DAVE (OWNER):
No! Why would anyone want a calendar 3000 years in the future.

10. SHOP WORKER:
It's only 13 years isn't it? #mathsfail.

11. DAVE (OWNER):
Our years are going down to 0 first before they go back up... Remember... We had that town meeting?

12. SHOP WORKER:
Shit. No I remember now. What do you want me to do?

13. DAVE (OWNER):
Obviously stop making anymore calendars after this 2012 one.

14. SHOP WORKER:
Hmmm.

15. DAVE (OWNER):
What?

16. SHOP WORKER:
Well if we stop all of a sudden people may think we're predicting the end of time itself in the year 2012.

17. DAVE (OWNER):
You'd have to be INSANE to believe an ancient civilization could predict the end of the world 3000 years in their future.

18. SHOP WORKER:
It's a possibility. And also you never know people might like to bulk buy calendars.

19. DAVE (OWNER):
Why would anyone do that?

20. SHOP WORKER:
Flood.

21. DAVE (OWNER):
You can't just say flood and leave your argument at that.

22. SHOP WORKER:
You never know how people may react in a disaster.

23. DAVE (OWNER):
I think we'll be okay up to 2012.

24. SFX: SHOP BELL

25. CUSTOMER:
Excuse me, can I buy the CLIFF RICHARD 2015-2020 calendars? Apparently there's a snowstorm coming.

26. SHOP WORKER:
Sorry we only do up to 2012.

27. CUSTOMER:
(disgusted) Only do up to 2012? And you call yourself a calendar shop? You're a joke of a shop.
28. SFX: SHOP BELL

29. DAVE (OWNER):
(reluctant) Get CLIFF see if we can get him up to 2050.

30. END

I think it's nicely done, but would have been better had you written in in 2012, because naturaly nobody talks about the alleged Mayan prophecy any more.

Apart from that, it's well written, and a good premise, although I found the hashtag clunky, and felt that referring to Sir Cliff was a bit confusing, it made it harder to work out they really were in the BC era.

Thanks Gappy,

It was about a year ago that I last did that joke and I agree it is not very satirical. I will take your advice on board and not add any modern speak into historical sketches. Thanks for the advice.

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