Hello,
We have a couple of clumsily recorded sketches here:
https://soundcloud.com/courthousecomedylab
And we would welcome some critique/advice/abuse from your good selves. We are keen to improve so feel free to be as honest as you like!
Thanks and whatnot!
A decent start, I'd say.
The first wasn't bad - apart from a few cheeky words like "rectum" it had the feel of a late 80s R4 sletch show - but I thought the pace could be a little brisker, and I definitely think the punchline was "protect you from the hooves", the last lines felt redundant.
The 2nd I enjoyed a lot more, seemed to suit your voices with the relaxed, contemporary style. Well played and not too long, but could perhaps do with a better ending: the mammary line wasn't enough of a development, and I had no idea what was going on for the last 10 seconds.
So, a good start - the writing isn't flabby, which is the usual fault for early sketches, and you are able to embody diffwerent characters without overdoing the silly voices, which is also a good skill for audio sketches. Let us know when you've done some more : )
The second one with the doctor was the better of the two as it had a neat ending but it didn't work for me really as it was just someone telling something that happened to them yesterday etc.
The orgy one again was just telling what happened last time etc, what might happen at the next one, no action or characters to speak of. The otter angle felt old and drawn out.
I think the acting just sounded like 'two blokes reading stuff' off a page.
Sorry for not having more positive feedback.
Thanks for the feedback so far, folks, Much appreciated and taken on board. Yes, it is indeed 'two blokes (sometimes more, depending on the sketch) reading off a page''! We're just workshopping stuff, it's not supposed to sound finished yet but pleased that you found some positives. All further comments gratefully received!
It's good to have recorded and uploaded your material as it's a great way to really see how well it works - and the performances are confident. I listened to the second based on feedback above.
It's always going to be a challenge with a two people talking sketch and even more so when one of the characters is mostly simply repeating what the other is saying. It's an easy trap to fall into but doesn't allow for the sketch to develop. Could you not have set it at the doctors itself during the examination? - then we could have been party to it and enjoyed the action. Or if you keep it as two people talking, it would be better to give your straight man some of the funny lines to give it balance.
I listened to the orgy one and rather liked it, nice clear voices and sound. Good jokes, story and setting.
Only problems is the voices stay kind of static, if you can inject some emotion it would help. And towards the end you over explain a little.
The hooves joke is very good, you don't need to make it explicit it's a horse.
But really good use of call backs.
Thanks to both the latest critiquers, much appreciated. Will take your ideas on board!
I didn't like the first one, the second one was very funny, I think you have mastered your style maybe just try writing some more
Quote: FunyHaHA Not Funy Strange @ 30th January 2015, 11:50 AM GMTI didn't like the first one, the second one was very funny, I think you have mastered your style maybe just try writing some more
We're pleased you like one of them! Thanks for listening to them and yes, we are writing some more.