With freelancing these 2 blogs are the ones I must often use as samples.
here's the thing most clients like the first one and hate the second one.
But I like the second one and I'm not so keen on the first one.
So am I wrong or is it the rest of the world?
HOW TO FAIL AN INTERVIEW
Not everyone wants a job, maybe you're having fun living at home nicking dads beer and eating mums cooking. Or perhaps you fancy the girl down the dole office. So here's how to blow that all important interview in 8 easy steps.
1 Don't turn up on time. Employers hate this it ensures that everyone else's interview is late, makes them wait around twiddling their thumbs. And don't phone too say you're late, I mean they're not paying for your credits are they?
2 Don't prepare before the interview. Don't read the company's website or about the industry you're trying to join. I mean they should know that stuff, why are they asking you?
3 Make a joke it puts everybody at ease and shows you're a fun guy or gal. And if it's really offensive then you show you can laugh at anyone. Even the people interviewing you.
4 Don't dress smartly. T shirt, trainers and a baseball cap show you're the kind of fit, go getter who's going to go straight out of the interview and kick a ball around the park. Only geeks wear ties.
5 Show the interview panel just how flexible you are in the work place. By slouching in your chair.
6 Don't turn your mobile off. If it doesn't bleep they'll think you're a Billy no mates.
7 Be completely upfront about your work needs. It's only fair. I mean you're not going to accept a job that expects you to work late on a Friday or come in with a hangover on Monday?
8 Let's face it the jobs going to be boring, so enliven your interview by talking about deworming your cat, your partner and who's winning X factor on the telly. And tut if the interview panel ask you to answer their questions. What are they your dad or something?
And having failed your job interview, walk home in victory; you can't afford the bus fare, but that's alright you weren't going anywhere were you?
OFFICE GOSSIP
Cooee nice to see you, how's your first day? How's everyone treating you? Nicely? Really? Even Jill oh that's nice. I'm amazed she can still smile; she says it was Bell 's palsy but I think was Botox. So you can see how much special it was for her to smile for you.
Have you got a boyfriend? You can tell me I'm really discreet. I mean just ask Jennifer I didn't tell anyone when she was going out with Brian from reprographics, who was married to Jessy in accounts. They ended up getting divorced and Jennifer had a telling off from HR. I mean who'd gossip about that and get her into trouble? I reckon it was Harry the guy who does security. It's not his fault he just likes a drink. At lunch time, tea time, well most of the time. Poor guy stuck on that desk all day long. Do you like a drink? Oh me no never. Ever come into work with a hangover? Me no never, so do you have a boyfriend?
Do you think any of the guys working here are hot? Oh no workplace romances are always trouble. Take Jennifer I mean she had to take 2 months off work, she said it was back strain. But my mate who works down the pub and knows someone in the NHS. Said she had a break down and was in a mental hospital. Like that Jill who went on a 6 week holiday to see her cousin in Australia. But I reckon she was having a boob job. She went out a C and came back a D I don't think the sun made them grow big.
So have you heard any good gossip? C'mon you're new everyone's indiscreet with the newbie. It's about me? What could there about me? Oh that I'm on a final written warning and performance improvement notice for bullying and harassing other staff members. Well if having a chat is what the company views as harassment that's their problem. Do I have a boyfriend? That's none of your business!
