MAN: So, it's pretty straightforward: there are some biscuits in this cupboard here, you can watch whatever you like on telly, and just keep things ticking over.
GIRL: [Late teen, with glassy-eyed voice (it so does make sense, be quiet), sweet but, frankly, dim] Oh, okay, sure thing.
MAN: Great. He has his milk at about seven.
GIRL: Yeah, cool...wait, who does?
MAN: The baby.
GIRL: Oh, yeah, right, the baby, yeah.
MAN: Fine. So, we'll be back about half eleven, but if you have any problems, here's the number.
GIRL: Back? So, like, you're going, like, away?
MAN: Yes.
GIRL: Like, away away?
MAN: Yes. If I weren't going anywhere, why would I need a babysitter?
GIRL: Like, I don't know...maybe you have a brother.
MAN: Right, can I just check, how many times have you done babysitting before?
GIRL: Like, loads. Well, not really at all, but I've seen all the babysitting films.
MAN: Are there babysitting films?
GIRL: Oh, totally - I saw them on my Dad's internet history. Tons of them, and I could totally do that. Look, I brought my own lollipop, I can lick it just right, slurp slurp.
MAN: Oh! I'd rather you didn't do that.
GIRL: And I got this skirt made specially, look, it just comes right off when you flick this toggle - whoop!
MAN: Yes, very good workmanship. Erm, I, err, I think it would be best if you...
GIRL: But, you know, if we have to feed a baby and everything it will be awkward, because what if it starts crying at the bit when I have my legs up like this?
MAN: Don't do that! Please, don't do that! Oh...OK, you did that. So. Well, please put your feet back on the ground...great, thanks, and and and and if you don't mind remove the lolly from...that's it, that's better. Right, now, I have to tell you, I'm afraid, you have the wrong idea about how babysitting works, those films were...quite misleading.
GIRL: Really? I'm, like, sorry.
MAN: No, that's quite alright. But I think you'd better go.
GIRL: But I could stay, I'll try ever so hard.
MAN: Look, no offence, you mean well, I'm sure, but you don't know the first thing about babysitting.
GIRL: I could still have a go.
MAN: No! 'm not going to leave my infant son with you. That stuff you've seen in the films is not actually what a babysitter does.
GIRL: Oh.
MAN: And besides, if you're doing that thing with the lolly the whole time, when are you going to get round to solving all the crimes?