Inviting a BCGer to tea.... Page 3

Quote: lofthouse @ 18th May 2014, 10:35 PM BST

I would invite Sooty round

I'd pop the kettle on

There's be a nice Victoria sponge in the cake tin all ready to go

We'd have a nice chat about politics and music and reptilians and religion

Then when he finally dozes off

I'd bang him over the head with my cricket bat and kill him

And I'd eat him

I'd cut him up and eat him

I'd probably roast his big lovely head and have it with some veg and a little mint sauce

Then I'd bag the rest up and pop it in the freezer

Then I'd invite Ben round

And serve him hot dog

He would be blissfully unaware that he was actually eating Sootys cock in a bun

View original

Keep him talking, I'll phone . . . .

Quote: lofthouse @ 18th May 2014, 10:35 PM BST

I would invite Sooty round

I'd pop the kettle on

There's be a nice Victoria sponge in the cake tin all ready to go

We'd have a nice chat about politics and music and reptilians and religion

Then when he finally dozes off

I'd bang him over the head with my cricket bat and kill him

And I'd eat him

I'd cut him up and eat him

I'd probably roast his big lovely head and have it with some veg and a little mint sauce

Then I'd bag the rest up and pop it in the freezer

Then I'd invite Ben round

And serve him hot dog

He would be blissfully unaware that he was actually eating Sootys cock in a bun

View original

Delightful except the last time I came to see you.

You opened the door frantically masturbating and uttered the immortal words

[Sorry mate I don't get many hard ons since I started the red pills for me nerves and I can't afford to waste one, I'll be done in a minute.]

I made my excuses and left, though making sure I called the RSPCA first. Why that cat was in a basque I will never know, nor where you would buy such a thing.

Up until that day I had enjoyed being a Jehovah's Witness.

And I can not even start talking about the joyful return of our lord and saviour, without picturing an elderly gentleman wearing nothing but a Right Said Fred Tshirt strangling a small, naked mole rat.

May God have mercy on your soul.

Is that your way of declining my invitation to tea?

Drat

Was that what was in the chamber pot in your other hand, I was sure it smell of feces, I suppose it could have been Ceylon it is notoriously strong scented.

Quote: lofthouse @ 18th May 2014, 10:35 PM BST

Then I'd invite Ben round

And serve him hot dog

He would be blissfully unaware that he was actually eating Sootys cock in a bun

View original

Yum!

Yeh the surprise factor might not be as great as his holiness is expecting....

I'd invite George Roper over for pie 'n' chips, plus a can of red Coke each.

Quote: Ben @ 18th May 2014, 9:54 PM BST

I would invite Gordon Bennett round and we would have a fine evening of food, drink and laughter. Perhaps we'd go for a run as well.

View original

Cheers Ben!

By the way, I'm seeing this thread for the first time. How could I miss that? Have I been lying in a coma in may?

Quote: TheBlueNun @ 24th December 2014, 10:32 PM GMT

I'd invite George Roper over for pie 'n' chips, plus a can of red Coke each.

View original

I'd also like to extend the invitation to include Doug Wonnacott.

There are too many of you for me to single out one person so you can all come. I would give you haggis, whisky and deep fried Mars bars (while I ate smoked salmon and prawns with white wine). We'd listen to the Corries, and especially for sootyj, it would take place under a portrait of Alec Salmond dressed in a zebra suit.

I'd like a deep fried Mars bar, I hear they're good.

Quote: lofthouse @ 18th May 2014, 10:35 PM BST

I would invite Sooty round

I'd pop the kettle on

There's be a nice Victoria sponge in the cake tin all ready to go

We'd have a nice chat about politics and music and reptilians and religion

Then when he finally dozes off

I'd bang him over the head with my cricket bat and kill him

And I'd eat him

I'd cut him up and eat him

I'd probably roast his big lovely head and have it with some veg and a little mint sauce

Then I'd bag the rest up and pop it in the freezer

Then I'd invite Ben round

And serve him hot dog

He would be blissfully unaware that he was actually eating Sootys cock in a bun

View original

Nearly shat myself laughing at this Lofty.

This thread reminds me of the cannibal episode of The IT Crowd.

Wouldn't nobody invite me?

Yes mate

You like hot dogs?