VOICE-OVER:
Ten hundred years ago, in deepest darkest somewhere, a knight tries to cross a bridge.
(Sound of hoofbeats slowing down then stopping.)
KNIGHT:
Good-day dear sir! May I cross your bridge.
OLD MAN:
(In a tizzy) Oh, its not mine dear sir, so I can't answer. I'm just looking after it for a bit.
KNIGHT:
So what is the toll? Tell me and I shall pay and be on my way.
OLD MAN:
I don't know dear sir. I'm just meant to look after the bridge, you know, make sure that it doesn't go missing or anything like that
KNIGHT:
Go missing?
OLD MAN:
Er yes. A lot of bridges have been mislaid recently. We think it has something to do with the geography.
KNIGHT:
Geography?
(Sound of another horse coming and pulling up.)
WOMAN:
Good day dear sirs; may I pass?
OLD MAN:
I've no idea; it isn't my bridge.
WOMAN:
So you dear sir, may I pass.
KNIGHT:
It's not my bridge either. Apparently it belongs to a friend of the rather doddery old man here, who is under the impression bridges can be mislaid.
OLD MAN:
They can! I have seen it with my own eyes!
WOMAN:
He speaks the truth Sir knight. Last week I was crossing a bridge and took my eyes of it, next thing I knew poof! And I'm in the water.
KNIGHT:
(Crossly) I do not believe such nonsense. Now if you to will excuse me I shall-
hey! What happened to the bridge.
OLD MAN: (undertone) Oh dear
---------
MAN A:
Twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six...
MAN B:
How much did you make this week?
A:
(crossly) Well I'm counting, aren't I? I can hardly tell you until I've finished! Now where was I?
B:
London.
A:
No you idiot! Where was I in the counting! Not where was I this week! I know where I was!
B:
Good, cause after last week-
A:
(crossly ) Are you going to shut up? (beat ) thank you. Now; twenty-seven, twenty-eight.
B:
(impressed) That's a lot.
A:
I know...
B:
Did the warden get repetitive strain injury?
A:
(crossly )I have no idea. But I've lost count now. So shut up and-
B:
I think you should move the car.
A:
Why? It's in the driveway! No one is going to ticket it there. Anyways I've made loads of-
B:
It's on fire.
A:
Don't be silly, how can a driveway be on fire?
B:
Not the driveway, the car. It's your anti-parking ticket disguise; it seems to have caught fire. (Sound of chair being pushed back and running.) Next time don't use papier-mâché and cotton-wool. Anyways, who's ever heard of a sheep that size?
(pause)
(Sound of walking)
A:
Well, at least that's out.
B:
Yes. Funny thing is, I could have sworn I smelt roast lamb. But the whole disguise thing's pretty ruined.
A:
Bother! Now how am I going to avoid tickets? It looks like a car again!
B:
Not really. Cars generally look less charred. I'd say the disguise didn't really work in any case; you had dozens of the things.
A:
(defeated ) Yeah, you're right. (brightens up ) But at least I could find the car really easily!