British Comedy Guide

Two short radio/audio sketches.

VOICE-OVER:

Ten hundred years ago, in deepest darkest somewhere, a knight tries to cross a bridge.

(Sound of hoofbeats slowing down then stopping.)

KNIGHT:

Good-day dear sir! May I cross your bridge.

OLD MAN:

(In a tizzy) Oh, its not mine dear sir, so I can't answer. I'm just looking after it for a bit.

KNIGHT:

So what is the toll? Tell me and I shall pay and be on my way.

OLD MAN:

I don't know dear sir. I'm just meant to look after the bridge, you know, make sure that it doesn't go missing or anything like that

KNIGHT:

Go missing?

OLD MAN:

Er yes. A lot of bridges have been mislaid recently. We think it has something to do with the geography.

KNIGHT:

Geography?

(Sound of another horse coming and pulling up.)

WOMAN:

Good day dear sirs; may I pass?

OLD MAN:

I've no idea; it isn't my bridge.

WOMAN:

So you dear sir, may I pass.

KNIGHT:

It's not my bridge either. Apparently it belongs to a friend of the rather doddery old man here, who is under the impression bridges can be mislaid.

OLD MAN:

They can! I have seen it with my own eyes!

WOMAN:

He speaks the truth Sir knight. Last week I was crossing a bridge and took my eyes of it, next thing I knew poof! And I'm in the water.

KNIGHT:

(Crossly) I do not believe such nonsense. Now if you to will excuse me I shall-
hey! What happened to the bridge.

OLD MAN: (undertone) Oh dear

---------

MAN A:
Twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six...

MAN B:
How much did you make this week?

A:
(crossly) Well I'm counting, aren't I? I can hardly tell you until I've finished! Now where was I?

B:
London.

A:
No you idiot! Where was I in the counting! Not where was I this week! I know where I was!

B:
Good, cause after last week-

A:
(crossly ) Are you going to shut up? (beat ) thank you. Now; twenty-seven, twenty-eight.

B:
(impressed) That's a lot.

A:
I know...

B:
Did the warden get repetitive strain injury?

A:
(crossly )I have no idea. But I've lost count now. So shut up and-

B:
I think you should move the car.

A:
Why? It's in the driveway! No one is going to ticket it there. Anyways I've made loads of-

B:
It's on fire.

A:
Don't be silly, how can a driveway be on fire?

B:
Not the driveway, the car. It's your anti-parking ticket disguise; it seems to have caught fire. (Sound of chair being pushed back and running.) Next time don't use papier-mâché and cotton-wool. Anyways, who's ever heard of a sheep that size?

(pause)
(Sound of walking)

A:
Well, at least that's out.

B:
Yes. Funny thing is, I could have sworn I smelt roast lamb. But the whole disguise thing's pretty ruined.

A:
Bother! Now how am I going to avoid tickets? It looks like a car again!

B:
Not really. Cars generally look less charred. I'd say the disguise didn't really work in any case; you had dozens of the things.

A:
(defeated ) Yeah, you're right. (brightens up ) But at least I could find the car really easily!

Hey Ahem

If I get the chance I'll leave better feedback.

I think both sketches are below your usual standard of sketch. Both have potential for sure but equally need cutting down and editing. There is alot of unnecessary dialogue - mainly the old man, who repeats quite a bit. I find it difficult to distinguish between the characters in the first. You need to give the knight an extreme emotional attribute (usually I go for condescending!). I'd prefer the pay off with the knight to just be the sound of splashing water - as it is currently it's sort of like 'explaining the joke'. I think the second sketch is more polished but again could do with some cutting and again the pay off needs to be stronger, particularly as there is plenty of good stuff in there to play with.

Hope this was of help!

Cheers
Craig

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