Alex Salmond started a new dance craze this week "The devolution of man"
Tell us a joke Page 83
Quote: some yoke @ 2nd October 2014, 4:28 PM BST"Me and my girlfriend videoed ourselves having sex at 15. We recently got together again, we're now 30. She's sure she still has the tape somewhere - should I watch it? Is that a good idea? I feel ashamed just by remembering it.
I mean we were very very young, so obviously watching it now, disgusting might not be the right word but ..... The production quality isn't going to be great and the lighting will be amateurish..."
(I tried this out and it got rolling laughs, then I told it again and it bombed - I got heckled like everyone in the audience had a paint ball gun. Now I don't know whether to drop it or not. Any thoughts?)
I thought you would have gone more in the direction of:
When we were 15, Me and my girlfriend videoed ourselves having sex. We recently got together again, we're now 30. She's sure she still has the tape somewhere - should I watch it? Is that a good idea? I feel ashamed just by remembering it.
I'm not even sure if I'd be allowed to watch it? I mean, can you get done for watching kiddie porn if your the star of the movie?
Katie Price is said to be furious with the photo hackers who have been leaking naked celebrity pictures.
They haven't published a single one she's sent them.
It's been discovered that he iPhone 6 can be bent. Strangely, Apple aren't as flexible with their refund policy.
I got a girls number the other day .. weird how I'd seen it on TV recently but probably just a coincidence.
Me and my girlfriend argued the other day as she'd been sleeping around. We agreed to sleep on the thought. What an uncomfortable threesome
I once had a mate who a was champignon. Didn't talk much ... turned out to be a false friend.
These are my lates joke attempts, haven't posted in a while as been working on improving.
Feedback appreciated
I don't get any of them.
Quote: CallumS @ 3rd October 2014, 9:25 PM BSTI got a girls number the other day .. weird how I'd seen it on TV recently but probably just a coincidence.
Me and my girlfriend argued the other day as she'd been sleeping around. We agreed to sleep on the thought. What an uncomfortable threesome
Not very well worded and I'm afraid like Stephen I don't get them.
Quote: CallumS @ 3rd October 2014, 9:25 PM BSTI once had a mate who a was champignon. Didn't talk much ... turned out to be a false friend.
I'm guessing a false friend is a type of mushroom.
Did he tell a lot of jokes? he sounds like a fungi...
So I was in a Buddist temple and I killed a mosquito. I think it'll come back to bite me.
Horse goes into a bar. Barman says, 'Why the long penis?'
Quote: Oh Danny Boy @ 16th October 2014, 12:26 AM BSTSo I was in a Buddist temple and I killed a mosquito. I think it'll come back to bite me.
Ahh, you'll be fine. It's Buddhist temples you need to worry about.
A lot of historic sex offences are being settled out of court. Talk about money for old grope!
Quote: DirtyRottenEgg @ 16th October 2014, 7:22 PM BSTA lot of historic sex offences are being settled out of court. Talk about money for old grope!
Tim Henman went to court on countless occasions but he never had much time to serve.
One not for the GoldCrackers...
When asked how long it took him to get round every child Santa says "Alot longer than Saville".
A very naughty booyah
Quote: Chappers @ 2nd October 2014, 10:18 PM BSTCould be after Judas hanged himself if you know your Bible instead of trying to be a smartarse.
Ooh Chappers! One wouldn't analyse a joke at the moment its said 