A CHICKEN TRAPSES IN TO KFC
SERVER
Next please.
CHICKEN
I'm looking for my mate, Dave.
SERVER
I'm sorry?
CHICKEN
Just tell me where Dave is.
SERVER
I'm sorry is this some kind of joke?
CHICKEN
Do you know how many f**king roads I crossed to get here!? Get Dave Now!
SERVER
Okay, well, can you at least tell me what your friend looks like?
CHICKEN
Funny guy eh? you've got a picture of him up on the wall dickhead!
SERVER
What? that! but that's just a generic picture of a chicken.
CHICKEN
Oh that's hilarious. That's like me taking a photo of you and putting it up in my bedroom and you walking in and me saying oh that's just a generic picture of a guy serving.
SERVER
No, seriously, that is just a random picture of a chicken. It's not based on any particular chicken. Honestly.
CHICKEN
Mate. It's Dave. It's got all Dave's stand out features.
SERVER
It does?
CHICKEN
It's got his feathers, his feet, his head, his wings, his neck. Hell It's even got that wee tub of sauce he carries around with him everywhere.
SERVER
Well I'm sorry but I can safely say I've not seen a chicken called Dave in here.
CHICKEN
Oh so you just go round taking random photos of chickens and wack them on your wall, is that it?
SERVER
No. THAT chicken isn't even real. It's made up.
CHICKEN
Oh so now you're saying I've made Dave up. Dave is a made up chicken, yea?
SERVER
NO. That isn't Dave. It's a chicken our marketing people have designed.
A MAN WALKS IN DRESSED AS THE CHICKEN
SERVER
Look! there he is now. Our chicken mascot.
CHICKEN
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
GUY DRESSED AS CHICKEN REMOVES HEADPIECE.
CHICKEN
OH....MY....GOD.
SERVER
You see.
CHICKEN
Dave ate a human!
END