Deleted 
Short Narrative joke
I liked the names best 
Please expand mate
Surely, that's funny.
Snot jokes are funny to some I guess. Sorry Mikey, just not to me really. There is nothing clever going on here, no twist as it were. But like I say maybe I am not the right audience 
No worries dude
It was OK but not as a basis for a novel. I can't really see it going very far.
And are Mr XXXXX and Mrs XXXXX a couple as they have the same name?
Reading it back, I think cutting a lot, mainly from the first two paragraphs would make it much better.
I'll come back with a rewrite.
Quote: Chappers @ 1st October 2014, 10:52 PM BSTIt was OK but not as a basis for a novel. I can't really see it going very far.
And are Mr XXXXX and Mrs XXXXX a couple as they have the same name?
hahahahaah, very funny about the same name
No, no, it's like a side piece really. think of it as a sitcom but written in book format - and it has cutaways and this is kind of an aside.
Do any of you two fancy looking at the first few scenes of the book. It's still first draft but it might be helpful to get some feedback. I could send you the first 4k words?
Just PM me if you'll take a look.
Sorry Mikey I don't think I would have anything helpful to offer. Chapters is working on a comedy novel at the moment mind, so you both might benefit from some mutual peer support and feedback?
No worries Marc, I think I should get it a bit more finished before I start showing anyone yet anyway.
And Chappers, if you want to read it, I'll get in touch when it's more developed. Also, I'd be happy to look at anything you've done if you want some impartial feedback.
Quote: Mikey88 @ 1st October 2014, 7:21 PM BSTOver in the lounge, one of the residents, Mr XXXXX was sitting in the lounge,
You need to be careful of this sort of thing.
I know yeah, it's a first draft really, I should have waited until it was more finished. It's a nice idea though I think - once I've boiled it down a bit more.
hhaha, I'm currently lounging on my chez longue in my lounge loungering about what to say in response. All very funny, but it will detract from the joke about the snot. And snot is very important is it snot?
hhaah - If I make a feature of the lounge, I'll mention you in the book.