Here is a video we made of two men attempting to make a ghost hunting show!
would be very grateful for any comments
A mini episode of a ghost hunting show!
Sorry guys - it's just too bloody long.
The joke i.e. the 'hopelessness' of the two presenters, wears very thin, very quick.
I started scrolling forward at 2.25 and saw little evidence of any sort of development.
Even supposedly unstructured pieces need structure - it has to go somewhere.
Sorry I couldn't be more positive -though I do think you guys are good in front of camera and, with a bit more hard graft at script stage, could produce something a lot better.
I csn't add to that: you come across well, if a bit hyperactive (or is that the characters?), but I got bored without any specific jokes. Your video is about half the length of a Channel 4 sketch show, which puts it into context.
Trouble is you've got two Gareths. Two Manuels (how ever you spell it). I think it would be massively better if the characters were different to each other - maybe one a leader and one asssitant. Or at least one who thinks he's in charge or superior in some way.
You could add a bit of bickering or pulling rank or whatever.
maybe a bit like the news readers off family guy, where they are making slights towards each other
Quote: Mikey88 @ 21st September 2014, 4:27 PM BSTTrouble is you've got two Gareths.
Excellent point.
Fix that and you go a long way to fixing the whole thing.