Tell us a joke Page 73

Yes, the Icelandic gag is f**king terrible, please never tell anyone I said it. It was all I could think of.

Starting with a well known phrase is a great way to write a gag, I'm just saying you have to do more than simply reliteralise a metaphor.

Different things are contentious to different people, I suppose, Marc: because of the role playing I did in my youth, when I hear the word "dwarf" I think of a guy with a beard and a battle axe and a penchant for mining, anyway, rather than a medical condition. To avoid controversy, how about "I went to the Guinness Book of Records office the other day, and got into a fight with the world's smallest man..."?

I genuinely had a girlfriend called Holly Bush once... She became a right thorn in my side.

Quote: Marc P @ 30th August 2014, 2:58 PM BST

It's a Thor subject with him.

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I've Edda bout enough of you.

Quote: gappy @ 30th August 2014, 3:09 PM BST

Yes, the Icelandic gag is f**king terrible, please never tell anyone I said it. It was all I could think of.

Starting with a well known phrase is a great way to write a gag, I'm just saying you have to do more than simply reliteralise a metaphor.

Different things are contentious to different people, I suppose, Marc: because of the role playing I did in my youth, when I hear the word "dwarf" I think of a guy with a beard and a battle axe and a penchant for mining, anyway, rather than a medical condition. To avoid controversy, how about "I went to the Guinness Book of Records office the other day, and got into a fight with the world's smallest man..."?

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I know what you are saying Gappy but it's not us who finds it contentious or not that matters. And yes your version is better as it is not targeting in a mean, I hesitate to say belittling, way an entire group of people. Some of whom are afflicted with a really cruel medical condition. The heroic Dwarrowdelf of Scandivan mythology appropriated by Tolkein lend a name only and by no means a modern perception.

Bloody hell sorry - I am writing a pamphlet here

Quote: gappy @ 30th August 2014, 3:13 PM BST

I've Edda bout enough of you.

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From you I think you mean and I know my jokes are a bit Woden

I can see what you mean with the dwarf joke now. I wasn't really thinking of a dwarf (joke came when I was talking to a friend whose a little shorter than most) but dwarf is something familiar whereas I thought little person or midget doesn't work as well.

I like the girlfriend one though!

That's good simplest is usually best Callum it just takes a bit of work sometimes to make it seem so.

Once there was this guy coming back from work. He heard someone crying out in the field to his right. So he jumped the fence, ran over and found a girl with no arms and no legs named Sally laying there. What's wrong? " I have never hugged anyone." So he hugs her and goes home.

Day two: Guy's walking home from work and same thing happens but Sally is crying louder. He runs over to her. What's wrong now? "I've never kissed anyone before." So he's like fine, okay, poor girl, a little peck on the cheek won't hurt. And he kisses her and went home.

Day three: She's screaming. He runs over! What's wrong? "I've never had sex with her before. So he picks her up and throws her in the river.

Now your really f**ked.

Knock Knock,
who's there,
Not Sally.

I'm just glad nobody went down the holly bush and the small prick route.

This thread is for intentionally original jokes Igor.

I went racing today. I had to, I would have missed the bus otherwise.

The Shadows aren't the band they used to be.

Quote: Marc P @ 30th August 2014, 9:54 PM BST

The Shadows aren't the band they used to be.

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I tried to cover The Shadows once. Hard act to follow.

Did you hear the weather tonight?

Then its time you got double blazing!

Removed - actually, that didn't make any sense! Got my latin sounding words confused

Z: "Do you still keep in touch with your old girlfriends?"
Y: "Well, I'm actually very close to an X"

I'm afraid I've forgotten my boomerang joke but I'm sure it'll come back to me.

The other day I was multi-tasking. I killed 2 birds with one stone ... whilst updating my twitter.

Do these work? :/

First one works, if a little obvious

second one's a bought forced