Gangsta Rap School

Hello all

Would love a bit of feedback on this sketch I wrote. Made myself chuckle, but what about yourselves? Don't pull any punches either!

CLASSROOM

TEACHER:
Quiet down please children! So to summarise our lesson, Dr Dre is 'still representing gangsters from across the world', 'still hitting them corners with them lo-los girl', and 'has still got love for the streets'. Please memorise those lines because you WILL be asked them on the exam

STUDENT:
But Sir! Gangster rap is SO boring! I don't even understand what he's saying

TEACHER:
BRENDAN CARTWRIGHT! I will not have g-funk era gangster rap spoken about in that way! I want you to write out the lyrics to Snoop Dogg's 'Ain't Nuttin But A G-Thang' 3 times as punishment!

STUDENT:
But Sir! His music is extremely sexist, and show's no respect for his local police force!

TEACHER:
I'll have no excuses! And if you're going to talk back at least call me a mofo, or threaten to bust a cap in my ass! With all this 'Macklemore' you're listening to these days, you young people have TOO much respect for authority!

END OF SKETCH

I liked it but I think it needs more. It seems unfinished as though there is more fun to be had with the idea.

Good starting point fora sketch, but you need to twist it further, get creative.

"Simpkins, your essay was passable, although you will insist on spelling thang with an I; Thompson, not a bad effort, although there's a slight confusion at the centre of your argument - it's Gin & Juice, not Gin & Jews; Cartwright, terrible - you entrirely forgot about Dre. A where was yours, Petherongton? I suppose Snoop Dogg ate your homework again, hmmm?"

That's straight from the top of my head, and pretty shite, but I think you need to start riffing on the central contrasts a bit more.

From what I think, you're trying to map the idea of rap music into the classroom setting using rap terminology. So you're playing on our expectations of what normally happens in a classroom and replacing it with instances of rap. I can see how you're using common class events that people can relate to, "student complaining about the tedium of x" --> "Teacher responds with an explanation of the usefulness of x"

It is tricky to continue from here. In the first three lines, you're essentially doing a mapping scene from rap into school, plus an alternate reality scene where the students accept that it is indeed normal to be learning rap at school. I.e Rap is taught at school.

i.e from the student's first response to the teacher "But sir Gangster rap is so boring..."

Okay so there's the first 3 lines. It clearly shows how the scene will develop. Teacher will use some common phrases in the classroom replaced with rap, student will then behave like a typical student being bored with school work.

Then in the very last lines spoken by the Teacher, it's also apparent that in this alternate reality, there is a straight vs absurd scene developing. This is because the teacher is no longer behaving in a way that we can relate to teachers i.e getting students to disrespect the teacher. That is something weird so it makes the teacher become an absurd character, so now you're trying to get the student to straightman the scene by pointing out the absurdity of the teacher.

So I think the difficulty here is balancing between making the teacher absurd i.e getting student to swear at the them, and making the teacher behave in a way people can relate to i.e just saying things that teachers would say typically.

So I think what would be easier for you is instead of making the teacher absurd, keep it a mapping scene where the teacher says typical things teacher would say and replace that with rap terminology while students keeps behaving like a student and pointing out the inherently unmoral nature of rappers and rap music through using typical classroom situations like student not doing his homework, student thinks subject is boring, student gets grounded, student is talking too loudly and pepper in the rap.

What would also help is developing on why the teacher is so passionate about rap, what is it it about rap that the teacher likes so much even though its sexist

Just dramatise it rewrite Romeo and Juliet or some such gangsta rap style. Have the teacher declaim it and cut at end to nonplussed prep school boys and girls. 'Whats a ho please sir.'
'Yo mother!'
'My mother is a governor of this school'
'And a fine upstanding woman she is too!

@@&&

Well not that. Obviously not that. Well yes, that! But not that. But that!

As Gappy says you have the idea now you need to work it bitch.

"Simpkins, your essay was passable, although you will insist on spelling thang with an I; Thompson, not a bad effort, although there's a slight confusion at the centre of your argument - it's Gin & Juice, not Gin & Jews; Cartwright, terrible - you entrirely forgot about Dre. A where was yours, Petherongton? I suppose Snoop Dogg ate your homework again, hmmm?"

With Gappy's idea here's what I think.

If teacher responds by correcting the usual rap slang "thang" to I, you will be creating a scene where teacher is removed from the world of rap whilst it clearly shows students are very immersed in the rap culture. This will be an interesting thing to develop and equally valid.

But what the teacher says next is contradictory to what already established i.e normal non-rap cultured teacher working with rap savvy kids because the teacher says "It's Gin n Juice" It's not a bad thing but yes, contradictory to what's established so it'll be hard for you to develop your scene.

So if you want to play out rap cultured teacher with non rap cultured students that's equally valid still and as for the last line "snoopdogg ate homework..." great pun on its own, but in a scene where you want to develop the characters and see their relationship with each other and their reactions and Point of view it'll be hard trying to fit in puns.

First rule of comedy: there's always room for a pun mofo!

Quote: Marc P @ 29th August 2014, 12:59 PM BST

First rule of comedy: there's always room for a pun mofo!

View original

Sure you can have puns but it'll harder.

Easy don't put no frosting on the donut, N word!

Quote: Marc P @ 29th August 2014, 1:16 PM BST

Easy don't put no frosting on the donut, N word!

View original

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dF1NUposXVQ

Is that you?

Quote: gappy @ 15th August 2014, 7:32 PM BST

Good starting point fora sketch, but you need to twist it further, get creative.

"Simpkins, your essay was passable, although you will insist on spelling thang with an I; Thompson, not a bad effort, although there's a slight confusion at the centre of your argument - it's Gin & Juice, not Gin & Jews; Cartwright, terrible - you entrirely forgot about Dre. A where was yours, Petherongton? I suppose Snoop Dogg ate your homework again, hmmm?"

That's straight from the top of my head, and pretty shite, but I think you need to start riffing on the central contrasts a bit more.

View original

I actually think that it needs much work. EDIT: I(t) might make someone in a crowd maybe smile, but you need a sure fire way of something someone can relate to or have a surprise or something unexpected.

Look at 'Rowan Atkinson the school master' on YouTube. Comedy was invented in English private schools.

Quote: HughesBunburying @ 29th August 2014, 12:17 PM BST

From what I think, you're trying to map the idea of rap music into the classroom setting using rap terminology...

View original

Yes, the sketch could be adapted with ruthless logic, as you say, that might work. Or you could throw puns and wacky ideas at it like I did. Either could work, I think, but I reckon it either needs to be developed and elaborated somehow, or scaled right down to a one-liner or 1-3 panel cartoon.

As ever, this is just my inexperienced opinion