First time would appreciate critique please

Hi,

I'm writing some new material for my debut first time on stage. Would appreciate feedback on whether or not you think this section is funny.
It's a play on the fact that it's possible to buy a greeting card for almost every occasion. Thanks.

"I've got a friend who lives up in the north of Scotland. Anyway, he's been very ill lately, so on his birthday I thought I'd send a card to cheer him up.

Luckily, I found one. It said....

'Sorry to hear that you're ill, on your birthday, from across the miles.

Seemed to do the job.

I've got another friend who's wife tragically died two days after moving into their new house. (Pause) I thought I'd send a card

Luckily I found one. It said...

"Sorry to hear about your loss, as you move into your new house"

Here's to new beginnings?

To be honest, I wouldn't have understood it, unless you wrote the explanation first and you can't explain the joke on stage before you have said it!

I know a woman who's husband tragically died two days after moving into their new house. (Pause) I found the perfect card

"I hear you're single, babe "

If the joke is that you can get cards nowadays for every occasion then you need to build up the ridiculousness of the cards, maybe have three getting increasingly more outlandish with the last one being the funniest.

The more specific they are the better.

I just saw a great cartoon. A woman standing in front of two displays of cards. One says Get Well, the other Get F**ked.

Quote: beaky @ 17th June 2015, 6:17 PM BST

I just saw a great cartoon. A woman standing in front of two displays of cards. One says Get Well, the other Get F**ked.

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. . . and nearby, surely there's a rack of business cards, one of which is for an escort service that says "Get Well F**ked".