British Comedy Guide

Restaurant Sketch

Int. Restaurant

A man and woman are sat at a table gazing at each other. A waiter approaches and puts the bill on the table.

Man:
I'll get this.

Woman:
No, no, don't be silly, I'll pay.

Man:
I'm the man, I'll pay!

Woman:
It's not the 1800s, I'll pay!

The woman takes her bag out and starts rummaging through it. The man grabs the bag and chucks it across the restaurant.

Man:
That's settled then, I'll pay!

The woman grabs the man's head and slams it down into the table.

Woman:
Honestly, I don't mind paying!

The man staggers to his feet and crashes his chair down across the woman.

Man:
Don't mention it! You can pay next time!

The woman rises to her feet, does some martial arts moves and cries before a fireball erupts from her hands and hits the man.

Woman:
Let's just call it my little treat!

The man gets up smouldering and dazed.

Man:
How about we go halves?

The woman hits the man with another fireball. The man staggers to his feet.

Man:
Ok. I tell you what: you pay.

The woman goes and picks up her bag up. She rummages through it.

Woman:
I seem to have left my purse at home. Do you mind paying?

ENDS

Really very good, nice escalation and punchline at the end, pacing and visuals just right (if the effects can be done).

Always like sketches which generate loads more ideas.
For example, it reminds me of what it's like to go for a meal/shopping with the in-laws with the battle of wills on display. For example, only today my wife and mother-in-law came up to near where I work for a hospital visit. We bought some lunch and I had to angle myself to get my card in the machine first so she wouldn't pay. But we've had similar fights in the past where she'll beat me to the cashier with a note, I'll slip one in her bag when she's not looking, then as we leave I feel her slipping it back into my pocket.

Likewise I could see the characters being recycled as just overly-competitive - e.g. both rushing to help an elderly person carry their shopping up the stairs at a station and fighting over it, etc.

Quote: Rob0 @ 7th August 2014, 9:50 PM BST

Really very good, nice escalation and punchline at the end, pacing and visuals just right (if the effects can be done).

Thanks, Rob0! I always like writing about things which touch upon the pettiness of humanity as we can all identify with it.

Touching and petting eh? Nice one.

This has been done before, nearly the same but without the fireballs, I prefer your ending though:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lb9OucXOguM

It's a bit it was done in Father Ted with Mrs Doyle.

Also the characters are a little limp and the violence seems to come from no where

not that much of a fan YWB

Sorry

Quote: Carlos Manwelly @ 7th August 2014, 10:42 PM BST

This has been done before, nearly the same but without the fireballs, I prefer your ending though:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lb9OucXOguM

Wow that one's eerily similar to mine. I guess it's a well established scenario though, so not a surprise.

Quote: Carlos Manwelly @ 7th August 2014, 10:42 PM BST

This has been done before, nearly the same but without the fireballs, I prefer your ending though:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lb9OucXOguM

I hadn't seen that video, but it felt like a concept that I'd seen explored before. Your version was nicely put together though.

I enjoyed that - shame it's been done.
But having said that - it's such a shockingly bad production it hardly counts.

Funny stuff Ben. Well written and built up nicely.

I predicted the ending though about 3/4 through (probably later than most!) - perhaps make the ending wacky and completely unpredictable to give it an original twist?

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