TYPICAL TV INTERVIEW SET
JACQUI SMITH FACES A POLITICAL INTERVIEWER
INTERVIEWER
Home Secretary Jaqui Smith. Good evening.
HOME SECRETARY
Good evening.
INTERVIEWER
Now, as Home Secretary, you are the minister responsible for law and order in Britain.
HOME SECRETARY
Good Evening.
INTERVIEWER
Good evening. You are the minister responsible for law and order in Britain.
HOME SECRETARY
I am.
INTERVIEWER
And yet, some people are saying you lack the gravitas associated with that hugely important position.
HOME SECRETARY
Are they?
INTERVIEWER
Yes. They say you remind them of Pam Ayres
HOME SECRETARY
I haven’t heard anyone say that.
INTERVIEWER
Home Secretary, the prison system in Britain is in now in meltdown due to unprecedented levels of overcrowding and the public are looking to the government for reassurance. Do you have a poem about this?
HOME SECRETARY
Sorry?
INTERVIEWER
A poem. Some quaint little ditty to calm the public’s anxiety?
HOME SECRETARY
I’m sorry. I really don’t know what . . .
INTERVIEWER
Come on! It can’t be that hard.
HOME SECRETARY (TRYING TO GET BACK ON TRACK)
The prisons are packed to the rafters
INTERVIEWER
Good start!
HOME SECRETARY (BECOMING MORE ‘WEST COUNTRY’)
With robbers and rapists and grafters
INTERVIEWER
Good! Good!
HOME SECRETARY (GAINING CONFIDENCE WITH EVERY WORD)
So let’s make ‘em thinner (THINKS) with salad for dinner (THINKS) and something low-calorie for afters!
INTERVIEWER (TO AUDIENCE, ENTHUSIASTICALLY)
Ladies and gentlemen, Home Secretary Jacqui Smith!
THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE