Comedic (hopefully) battle raps

here is my latest entry on a rap I battle site . you can do live or text battles over different lengths . I beat the number 1 guy last month, I use a lot more humour than the usa guys who are like , blam , kill dat shit , mofos' , shank , blade , urhgghhhhh , ho , pimp , badass etc lol , anyway , let me know what u think or post a reply .

I gone and 'READ YO FILE ' and found some 'AMUSING CONCEPTIONS'- as it turns out your a 'PEDRO-PHILE' who likes 'ABUSING MEXICANS' !! ya girl asked ya to 'BED FO WHILE ' but that was disastrous as ya keep 'LOSING ERECTIONS !! ' . he even tried viagra straight 'USING INEJCTIONS' - but now his 'DICK' is 'SICK' after that and has 'BRUISING INFECTIONS' !! / damn , he has to keep his 'COCK' in a 'SOCK' - when he wears 'JEANS' too tight he 'SCREAMS' when it keeps 'MOVING DIRECTIONS ' !! // so my advice is keep ya dick in 'YA PANTS' cos ya got 'NA CHANCE' of winnin - in battle terms ya better of 'CHOOSIN da NEXT UN !!!'

Words Escape Me!

Sorry Slarnder but this is just not funny at all. You obviously enjoy this sort of thing but there is clearly no one else on here who is on the same page as you. I would give up trying to push it if I was you.

maybe not to your taste will , but I am sure some will find it amusing . the pedro-phile being someone who abuses Mexicans raised a few laughs on the other site . oh well , each to his own

Being a fan of the ole hippity hop myself, I can see what you're trying to do and it's not bad. Although Stylee just made it look easy and took away any shine you might have had with me before.

I think this sort of stuff is all in the performance and conviction if you're spittin smack lyrics.

Have you considered recording yo self and uploading it?

I think we have the next Whitman in our midst, yo

Well! golly gee, at what you had in ya
but your rhymes are as worrying as that lovely Babs Windsor.
All that rudeness about winkies you may think will shock
Doesn't get better when you type with caps lock.
Abusing Mexicans gets a great big black mark son.
Have you learnt nothing from what happened to Clarkson?
You go back to school to learn rhyming that's phat.
I suggest you try reading the Cat In The Hat.
Stick with him and learn some rhymes that are pukka
and stay off this site you thick mother f**ker.

YO tiggy !! what claims ya 'MAKIN FOR FUCKS SAKE ??' - only exam you passed was for 'BAKIN YOUR CUPCAKES '' . you know the one 'YER MADE' back in 'THIRD GRADE' while I was schoolin in' 'HERBAL TRADE IN THE DAYLIGHT ''and practicing my '' VERBAL TIRADE IN THE LATE NIGHT '' !! in class he sat by the 'BACK-BORED' , ignoring the 'BLACK-BOARD and day-dreamin of ' CRACK-WHORES' he could take in the 'BACK DOOR' ! but teacher saw his 'SLACK JAW' and thought he was 'LOOKING RATHER UNSTABLE' - but truth was he was 'JERKING UNDER THE TABLE' !!
had his dick out like underneath like a horse 'STICKIN ITS HEAD OUT
ITS STABLE !!''

not my best one , but its all about the multis- like 'herbal trade in the daylight' and 'verbal tirade in the late night ' , both have he same number of syllables and rhyme well - its no good rhyming one or two words , you need to rhyme whole phrases - the rap battle site I go on is scored on multis , punches, metaphors , wordplay etc - but not bad I that your first go at it lol

Here he is slarnder, making me wonder
What typa blunder his mum n that bumda
He calls dad, oh that's his sister, my bad!
What kinda mistake they made, when they laid,
In that bed side by side, naked with nthoing to hide,
Every little spot and pimple on show, including the extra toe,
That grows on their foot
And the rat tail purtruding from the top of the butt.
You see his family has old traditions, the type you see on Springer's Special Editions.
You know the ones, where Grandpa is f**king his siblings, preaching his incestuous dribblings.
Well you see, slarnder snr was just the same, excluding the part when the family dog took the blame,
When police investigators examined his son's rectum, they found it was bigger than Daniella's Westbrook's septum.
That poor doggy was put on a register, which was a hard digester,
For that poor little mutt, did indeed kept his mouth shut,
He kept it stum, his silence bought with pedigree chum.
But he took a bullet for your rectum raping mullet wearing Daddy.
What I was trying to say before I digressed
Is that slarnder is a product of incest.

Why don't you write nice things about one another? You sound like those appalling Americans who wear their hats back to front.

Baseball players?

sup 'LEE' - you startin om 'ME' ? ill punch ya so hard youll have 'SPLIT TEETH' and I'll make ya cry like 'JEW WAILING AT THE WALL' if ya try to 'SPIT BEEF' then keep ya 'SHIT BRIEF' in this battle or 'YOU BE FAILIN THAT AN ALL' !! I said I gonna take it easy on 'ABUSE ? I LIED ' - ya a nobody-gonna get 'CRUCIFIED' and cooked up like 'kfc' ( JUICY FRIED !! ) n served up with 'WHOS HE ? FRIES !!' . he' a wannabe bully - a 'JERK WHO BEATS WIFE FOR MURMERING' and then heads off to 'WORK TO HEAT FRIES FOR BURGER KING' !! you think yo ' BETTER ??THEN HIT ME !! 'but ya better be kill me or you be 'DEADER THAN WHITNEY!! ' . but I hear you into necrophilia - you would rather 'BED HER THAN BRITNEY !! '

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ 22nd July 2014, 7:26 PM BST

Hello BEAK! You're looking rather SLEEK! I LOVE that MOISTURISER you're using on your CHEEK! Gives you an air of GRAVITAS and MYSTIQUE! Your apparel looks so TRENDY and I do love your SOCKS, MAN! Are they GUCCI, FIORUCCI, ARMANI or OXFAM? HA! Only joking, nice person, I WORSHIP your ETHIC! (One word of advice, though, you should bin that prosthetic). Come down to WEST WITTERING, for some TITTERING, not LITTERING. The seafront's so CLEAN now, (apart from GULLS' SHITTERING). Take all my BEST WISHES, my GRACES and FAVOURS - your wit is a RAINBOW, a SPECTRUM of FLAVOURS! And whatever the TASTE, be it VANILLA, CHOCOLATE, MINT, BANANA, GUARANA, STRAWBERRY, RASPBERRY, PISTACHIO, PECAN or BACON that's STREAKY, the WORLD ALONE KNOWS that the BEST TASTE IS BEAKY! You can do ANYTHING, I bet you drink CARLING! I'm all overcome now..

ADIEU! MWAH MWAH DWAAHLING!

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What is "sup" slarnder?
I'll have you chewin on my words
Like bamboo to a panda.
You come here bringing rap battles,
But see you shaking and hear bone rattles.
You keep talking about abuse,
You a fan of the Saville Juice?
Do you play golf with Rolf,
And guess what it is yet,
Whilst listening to a Lost Prophet,
As Stewart Hall commentates on your ball play?

You say I'm a necrophiliac, well,
I heard Jim'll fix your ball sack!
Where he planted his seed to see,
The growth of an Operation Yew-tree.
In the forest of 70s BBC!