Quote: Marc P @ 19th April 2014, 10:59 AM BSTWhat did I tell you about negativity Paul?
Is that a quote from Jesus at Easter?
Comedic and surreal poetry Page 2
Not bad poetry, but they are teeny tiny and a little simplistic in places for the medium. I feel like I needed more surrealness or stronger themes to keep me involved. I quite like the way f**king baguette sounds, I can imagine it being read by an exasperated white van man from essex (a la chris morris blue jam f**king noddy). I've written loads of little surreal poems but unfortunately my dog ate it.
Quote: Marc P @ 19th April 2014, 10:59 AM BSTWhat did I tell you about negativity Paul?
It's not negativity, just trying to help him.
I'm not negative, I'm just cheeky-it's watered down blarney maybe?
My poetry is aimed at children, therefore it can be very surreal silly indeed.
I'm currently working on a book of animal facts. The facts are all wrong and and get more ridiculous as it goes on.
Every hippopotamus
Has a hippopotamissus.
They like to give each other hugs
And hippopotakisses.
Cows are a type of bird
That build nests deep underground.
On Tuesdays they come up
To eat yoghurt and dance around.
I liked the first. Didn't like the second.
The second reminds me of Craig Raine's A Martian Writes a Postcard Home.
first ones nice second one sounds clunky.
Quote: sootyj @ 16th July 2014, 10:12 PM BSTfirst ones nice second one sounds clunky.
That's what I think is wrong too. I like nice smooth rhymes like Dr Seuss and Julia Donaldson. Need to try swapping the yoghurt for something, but you get the general idea.
Seems to me that the first has been thought about is clever and witty and doesn't talk down to the children. The second is the opposite. There are birds that nest underground too by the way
Working with children is my day job - Nursery Nurse for 20 years. I'm confident it will be seen as just plain silly.
Just remembered another one.
A polar bear lives in an icy house
but since he's not that clever,
The house will often fall apart
So Igloos it back together.
That's good too. If you are just saying nonsense for young children to enjoy the sounds fair enough . I prefer your work when you put some thought and meaning into it.
And if you want to move it outside of your day job I would advocate the second approach.
Here's an animal totally new
A wibbly wobbly bibbly boo
Children need to learn not to take everything literally. Sounds like I'm having a go at them, but I literally mean not take everything literally. They have to differentiate between fantasy and reality. Obvious fantasy in the form of nonsense and silliness is a good start in learning that, although is does create some problems. I tried explaining clogs to some children once and I just couldn't get them to believe me.
The shoe was on the other foot!
A cow lives on the top of a tree and showers down milk when he goes for a pee.
The shoe was on the other foot, but the other shoe was on it too.
Now that second foot on which they're put has far too many, namely two.
The first foot with nothing on will start to get much colder.
It's best to wear one on each. You'll learn that when you get older.
A black and white cow lives on top of a tree
How he got there is a wonder to me
But one thing, all you young children should do
Is run away fast when he goes for a poo!
Quote: Tiggy @ 16th July 2014, 11:15 PM BSTThe shoe was on the other foot, but the other shoe was on it too.
Now that second foot on which they're put has far too many, namely two.
The first foot with nothing on will start to get much colder.
It's best to wear one on each. You'll learn that when you get older.
To be a pedant the second foot has only one too many shoes on it, not two! 