Cracking Quickie

EXT. NIGHT, OUTSIDE A COMPOUND.

THE SCENE IS LIT BY MOONLIGHT, THE SILENCE ONLY BROKEN BY THE OCCASIONAL CALL OF NOCTURNAL WILDLIFE.

We follow a shadowy figure as he makes his way steadily through the gloom, approaching a guard from behind.

The figure reaches out and places his hands at the guard's neck

GRAMS: SUITABLY DISCORDANT AND TENSE

FX: LOUD SICKENING CRACK

GUARD (SLOWLY SHAKING OUT HIS HEAD): Oh yes, that's loads better. Gets really stiff out here, y'know.

SHADOWY FIGURE: No worries. Same time next week?

GUARD: Cheers, pal

I rather liked that.

Cut the last two lines and stealthy progress etc.

What Marc said.

Quote: Marc P @ 15th July 2014, 9:48 PM BST

Cut the last two lines and stealthy progress etc.

View original

Cheers, Marc.

EXT. NIGHT, OUTSIDE A COMPOUND.

THE SCENE IS LIT BY MOONLIGHT, THE SILENCE ONLY BROKEN BY THE OCCASIONAL CALL OF NOCTURNAL WILDLIFE.

We follow a shadowy figure approaching a guard from behind.

The figure reaches out and places his hands at the guard's neck

GRAMS: SUITABLY DISCORDANT AND TENSE

FX: LOUD SICKENING CRACK

GUARD (SLOWLY SHAKING OUT HIS HEAD): Oh yes, that's loads better. Gets really stiff out here, y'know.

Nice one!
Tiny pedantic point: You could cut the 'We follow' too - breaks the illusion.