Quote: Stylee TingTing @ 9th July 2014, 4:07 PM BSTI'm investing in a dolphin sanctuary in Monte Carlo.. purely for tax porpoises.
Watch out for loan sharks.
Tell us a joke Page 46
While selling glasses of orange juice on a stall, I noticed a woman staring at me.
I said 'do you wanna take a picture'
She f**ked off with one of my jugs.
You know it's a bizarre week when Snappy Snaps sells more albums than Robin Thicke...
A woman at the supermarket asked me if I've ever drunk orange juice with pulp.
I said, "No, but I once had coffee with blur."
Quote: lomas @ 10th July 2014, 4:36 PM BSTA woman at the supermarket asked me if I've ever drunk orange juice with pulp.
I said, "No, but I once had coffee with blur."
Like it.
Luis Suarez has said "it's with a heavy heart that he leaves Liverpool for Barcelona."
I'm presuming heart in Uruguayan is "wallet."
Luis Suarez joins Barcelona for £75 million.
La Liga confirm tetanus injections are now mandatory for all players.
Anyone know if taping the skirting boards before painting the walls is a good idea?
Masking for a friend.
My asthmatic friend's taken up e-cigarettes in a bid to give up smoking. It's his latest wheeze.
My friend had to leave a gang that specialized in abducting young people because they didn't allow smoking.
He had to give up 'Nick A Teen'
Nick a Teen! wasn't he the bad guy in those superman anti smoking adverts from the 1970's?
I was at a restaurant earlier and asked a waiter what the soup of the day was.
He said "It's broccoli and stilton, you speccy little prick."
I thought, "I'm not having that."
Two terrorists are sitting at a cafe table in a Russian city, opposite two hotels The Dorzov and The Kutuzov
One of them presses a button and there is an almighty bang and both hotels crumble to the ground.
The second terrorist says:
"You were only supposed to blow The Dorzov!"
I think the dutch secret service is recruiting in my local chippy, there's a poster on the wall for holland spies.
My wife went to the beauty parlour and asked for a Brazillian
A German came in & knocked her out
There's that many crying children on T.V during Brazil matches, I don't know if I'm watching a football match or a charity advert.
Who makes the tallest Mycenanean Victoria sponges?
Menelaus.