I feel like writing something, being too lazy to think of my own characters, I'll just do a spec script of a scene from one of my favourite sitcoms.
INT. FLAT
Grandad is struggling to write with a pen.
GRANDDAD
Del boy, these pens you got don't work?!
DEL
Because it's an electronic cigarette, you tart!
Del grabs it and takes a drag then coughs in disgust.
GRANDDAD
What do you need an electronic cigarette for?
DEL
Because of all the smoking bans, in'it? You can't smoke anywhere these days.
They both shake their heads in disbelief.
DEL
That's why I don't let you use the toaster anymore, you wore the smoke alarms out din't ya!
GRANDDAD
You saucy git!
Rodney enters through the front door. Granddad gets up and heads for the kitchen.
GRANDDAD
Shall I put the kettle on Rodney?
DEL
I'm not sure it'll suit him Grandad.
Grandad laughs and exits to the kitchen.
RODNEY
Ha-de-ha! Please, Grandad!
He clocks the electronic cigarette.
RODNEY
What you got there, Del?
DEL
It's one of those e-cigs in'it. I'm gonna sell 'em to those hipsters down the Nags'.
Rodney examines it closer.
RODNEY
Oh yeah?
DEL
I know what you're thinking and no, you can't put your wacky backy in there.
RODNEY
No I wasn't, I've put that all behind me now.
DEL
That Cassandra has got you right under her thumb, hasn't she?
RODNEY
No! No, that's not it. I'm just too old for all that stuff now.
DEL
Yeah, yeah. Anyway, what you come round here for?
RODNEY
I think I left my new tie here, Cass is dragging me to one of her dinner parties.
Del laughs knowingly, winking at Rodney.
RODNEY
Alright, alright. Have you seen my tie?
DEL
No bruv, maybe Grandad knows?
Grandad comes back and passes a cup to Rodney.
RODNEY
Blimy, you made that quick didn't ya, Grandad.
GRANDAD
Yeah, I microwaved the tea you didn't drink yesterday.
RODNEY
(sarcastic)
Lovely.
He takes a sip.
RODNEY
It tastes burnt. Only you Grandad could burn a cup of tea,
GRANDAD
It's that microwave, it's all Japanese ain't it?!
RODNEY
Most Microwaves are Japanese, Grandad.
GRANDAD
Yeah but that one has Japanese writing all over it!
DEL
(interrupting)
Alright, alright Grandad. It doesn't matter about that. Have you seen Rodney's new tie?
GRANDAD
He's not wearing a tie?
DEL
No, you dipstick. He thinks he left his new tie here.
GRANDAD
What did you leave it here for, Rodney?
RODNEY
I don't know, I must have just took it off and forgot about it.
GRANDAD
You want to be more careful with your stuff.
RODNEY
(becoming impatient)
I know that, Grandad. Have you seen it?
GRANDAD
Is it a grey one with red stripes?
RODNEY
Yes!
GRANDAD
No.
Del and Rodney roll their eyes.
GRANDAD
Although there's a red one with grey stripes on the side unit.
Rodney spots it.
RODNEY
Well that's the same one, you old git!
DEL
Oi Rodney, show some respect to your Grandad.
RODNEY
Alright, sorry Grandad!
Grandad nods and smiles.
RODNEY
Right, I had better go before Cass has a go.
Del mimes "under the thumb".
Rodney shakes his head and quickly leaves.
DEL
(through the door)
Oi, Rodney, you didn't drink your tea!
GRANDAD
It's okay DelBoy, I'll put it in the fridge.
Del acts disgusted, grabs an e cig from his top pocket and take a drag before coughing in disgust.
END
