Pig poetry- feel free to add Page 2

Quote: Will Cam @ February 7 2011, 2:24 PM GMT

'Hey, care to dance?'
Said the pig, to the sheep
At the end of the night
At the fair on the heath
...

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Rhythmtastic.

Thanks guys but inside

I should be writing NJ sketches but I have done this instead.

A pig and a goat, would sit in a boat
On a three legged stool and a bucket
Whilst the pig played guitar, people came from afar
just to witness him strum, pick and pluck it

Now the goat played his part (being frightfully smart)
With quick fingers he'd rifle their pockets
Whilst the men watched the show, he collected their dough,
And from ladies their hat pins and lockets

Now in every good team there's the rock, and the seam
One is grounded, the other's a dreamer
Whilst the goat played the part, of the latter with heart
He was also a bit of a schemer

When they shared out their gains, without showing the strains
Of his dastardly underhand ways
He would outwit the pig, who at under a gig
Had a memory of one or two days

Now, the pig kept his share, in the base of a chair
Of a room that his mother had rented
With a certain panache, the goat took half his cash
With no evidence that he had entered

He repeated this crime, at the very same time
On a Monday and Thursday each week
Telling pig he was broke, what a cad, what a joke
Have you heard such incredible cheek

But the pig never twigged that his takings were rigged
It would kill him, If he only knew
He could never recall, "have I really spent all?"
"Once Again? It must be Déjà Vu"

Well, The goat never spent all the money he 'lent'
From the pig (it was nearly a million).
Save it all with his own, in a bank where they phone
It to Switzerland was his opinion

When his target was reached, the relationship breached
When the Goat told the pig what he'd done
And he laughed in his face, as he told him the place
Where his golden nest egg had now gone

Well the pig showed his mettle and said that he'd settle
For "sorry", a handshake and hug
So the goat said"OK?" and he hugged him that day
Thinking "what an incredible mug!"

Fast forward 3 weeks, with pride in his cheeks
The goat was the first UK leaver
To travel first class, eating organic grass
On a one-way short hop to Geneva

The private bank entered, his papers presented
Resulted in just a blank look
"Mr Goat" I'm afraid, said the Senior Bank Aide
"Can you give us the proper bank book?"

As she gave him the book, he took a fraught look
Of the Inside, where details had been
But the pages weren't there, there was only a pair
of neat hand-written notes to be seen

Both were addressed, to 'My pal who confessed'
Saying "Thanks for the 'loan' from your book" &
"You see when we hugged, I'm afraid you were mugged"
The goat went quite grey and just shook.

In a room on a chair, in a ward, with long hair
Rocks a goat too insane for a trial
On a beach in Antigua, with several 'A' Leaguers
Is a pig, with a permanent smile

Very good Will!

Thanks Marc

To die a poor pig is a curse,
No sow's ear will become a silk purse.
But to find you are dead,
Through a BCG thread,
Is like dying of flu, only worse!

Eek! (Or oink!?)

Bacon Crackling Guide?

EDIT: Squeal. That is the noise pigs make when they're about to discover their demise from the BCG

Bored at work a few weeks ago I clicked on a link to a poetry competition online. £100 prize for the winner of a short poem (25 lines) and the poem published in a book by United Press Ltd.

Being lazy I sent in this from this thread: https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/post/724018/

A few days ago I got a letter saying I hadn't won but they would like to include my poem and I could buy a copy of the book for only £17 (more if you wanted a dedication or to use a pen name). In fact you could pay £50+ if you took all the options. they made it clear that they were not vanity publishers (creating books than only the participants would ever buy) and that the book would have a isbn or whatever it is called.

I checked my birth certificate..... and it confirmed that I was not born yesterday and I did a Google search. One thing I read said that the proof reading poem on the papers sent out would have a deliberate mistake which was a way of making you correct it and send it back. Low and behold I saw that the last word of the second line was changed from the version I cut and pasted from here. Strange that!

It was a shit poem so I won't be spending £17-£50 on a cheaply published booklet full of equally shit poems.

A nice little legal scam playing on vanity.

lovely little poem our will

Quote: Will Cam @ 8th September 2011, 9:15 PM BST

I should be writing NJ sketches but I have done this instead.

A pig and a goat, would sit in a boat
On a three legged stool and a bucket
Whilst the pig played guitar, people came from afar
just to witness him strum, pick and pluck it

Now the goat played his part (being frightfully smart)
With quick fingers he'd rifle their pockets
Whilst the men watched the show, he collected their dough,
And from ladies their hat pins and lockets

Now in every good team there's the rock, and the seam
One is grounded, the other's a dreamer
Whilst the goat played the part, of the latter with heart
He was also a bit of a schemer

When they shared out their gains, without showing the strains
Of his dastardly underhand ways
He would outwit the pig, who at under a gig
Had a memory of one or two days

Now, the pig kept his share, in the base of a chair
Of a room that his mother had rented
With a certain panache, the goat took half his cash
With no evidence that he had entered

He repeated this crime, at the very same time
On a Monday and Thursday each week
Telling pig he was broke, what a cad, what a joke
Have you heard such incredible cheek

But the pig never twigged that his takings were rigged
It would kill him, If he only knew
He could never recall, "have I really spent all?"
"Once Again? It must be Déjà Vu"

Well, The goat never spent all the money he 'lent'
From the pig (it was nearly a million).
Save it all with his own, in a bank where they phone
It to Switzerland was his opinion

When his target was reached, the relationship breached
When the Goat told the pig what he'd done
And he laughed in his face, as he told him the place
Where his golden nest egg had now gone

Well the pig showed his mettle and said that he'd settle
For "sorry", a handshake and hug
So the goat said"OK?" and he hugged him that day
Thinking "what an incredible mug!"

Fast forward 3 weeks, with pride in his cheeks
The goat was the first UK leaver
To travel first class, eating organic grass
On a one-way short hop to Geneva

The private bank entered, his papers presented
Resulted in just a blank look
"Mr Goat" I'm afraid, said the Senior Bank Aide
"Can you give us the proper bank book?"

As she gave him the book, he took a fraught look
Of the Inside, where details had been
But the pages weren't there, there was only a pair
of neat hand-written notes to be seen

Both were addressed, to 'My pal who confessed'
Saying "Thanks for the 'loan' from your book" &
"You see when we hugged, I'm afraid you were mugged"
The goat went quite grey and just shook.

In a room on a chair, in a ward, with long hair
Rocks a goat too insane for a trial
On a beach in Antigua, with several 'A' Leaguers
Is a pig, with a permanent smile

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very good ,reminds me of homer - can we call this the 'williad' ?

Of the homersexhul?

will.i.cam shakespear ?

a pig and his wife lay in bed
after sex they were talking
mrs piggy said its making love
while mr called it porking

Quote: slarnder @ 23rd June 2014, 4:13 PM BST

very good ,reminds me of homer - can we call this the 'williad' ?

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Quote: sootyj @ 23rd June 2014, 4:22 PM BST

Of the homersexhul?

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Quote: slarnder @ 23rd June 2014, 7:19 PM BST

will.i.cam shakespear ?

View original

Oh, you guys....