Hi Olliet
Welcome to the forum.
My advice, for what it's worth
Is to take some of your favourite offensive jokes and try to analyse what the joke actually is & why it works.
The examples you posted were not good I'm afraid.
It's better to start clean & then push the boundaries when you've got a few jokes under your belt that work better.
Quote: sootyj @ 18th June 2014, 10:56 PM BSTWhy are posters like flies circling dog shut
Why can't you be like humble bees circling roses
Buzz off
I think that's the plan for now write a few new jokes spend time working out how they could be improved and repost for another analysis from some of the more helpful people on here
I spend a lot of time here mainly for the jolly banter and it gives me something to do while waiting for my horses to lose. The C word here does sound a bit chavy by the way
Not sure how that is spelt. Is it an Essex thing?
Quote: Marc P @ 18th June 2014, 11:00 PM BSTI spend a lot of time here mainly for the jolly banter and it gives me something to do while waiting for my horses to lose. The C word here does sound a bit chavy by the way
I'm sorry if the "c" word offends people its normaly ok unless you say it in front of a middle aged women going through the change. For future reference to you all that is always a mistake.
No idea I'm from coventry unfortunately for me dosent help my argument really does it.
How often do you do it to someone's face?
I would rephrase that but I wont
Quote: Olliet @ 18th June 2014, 10:46 PM BSTAhh I see so you failed so you hope everyone else does too? That's cute like a child without a ice-cream
No, stand-up is just not my bag. I know my limitations. The things you originally posted were just not funny on any level. They were not jokes. They were not observational humour. There is nothing to critique.
If I wrote something like this:
Q: What do you call a nosey man with thousands of cheap t-shirts hanging off him and all over the floor around him?
A: Pry-Mark
Other posters would give differing opinions as to shortening, replacing words, twisting the joke around:
So I ran into Primark the other day. he's a nosey bastard.
Meet us half way and post something remotely funny.
Does that chat up line ever work?
It's more of a road rage thing where everyone is a f**king c**t apart from me of corse.. Just unfortunate for anyone who has to sit next to me whilst I drive
Quote: Olliet @ 18th June 2014, 11:10 PM BSTIt's more of a road rage thing where everyone is a f**king c**t apart from me of corse.. Just unfortunate for anyone who has to sit next to me whilst I drive
I'm guessing you don't drive a black cab?
https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/post/1076346/
Watch this young fella. I am sorry for my negativity if you are a genuine person who thinks they are funny (and not a crank winding us all up 
). It's just that we get our fair share of them around here. Has anyone said welcome to the site 
Quote: Will Cam @ 18th June 2014, 11:09 PM BSTNo, stand-up is just not my bag. I know my limitations. The things you originally posted were just not funny on any level. They were not jokes. They were not observational humour. There is nothing to critique.
If I wrote something like this:
Q: What do you call a nosey man with thousands of cheap t-shirts hanging off him and all over the floor around him?
A: Pry-Mark
Other posters would give differing opinions as to shortening, replacing words, twisting the joke around:
So I ran into Primark the other day. he's a nosey bastard.
Meet us half way and post something remotely funny.
Sorry been laughing too much to reply :/ here's one for you funny man
What do you do if you come across a bear in the woods?
Clean it off apologise and run
Quote: Marc P @ 18th June 2014, 11:12 PM BSTI'm guessing you don't drive a black cab?
No but if you can believe it it's usually aimed at cabbies
Quote: Will Cam @ 18th June 2014, 11:14 PM BSThttps://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/post/1076346/
Watch this young fella. I am sorry for my negativity if you are a genuine person who thinks they are funny (and not a crank winding us all up
I am genuine and it's something I've always wanted to do. I'm the funny one in the pub but when it comes to writing jokes it's not my strong point as you've probly noticed I just need some tips and got alot of homework to do in order to get myself ready
Good luck. You are obviously the type of poster who is not going to take any advice so I am backing out of this thread with my Star Wars Droid name:
4K-U2
Quote: Olliet @ 18th June 2014, 11:26 PM BSTI'm the funny one in the pub
Is that you Barry?
Quote: Olliet @ 18th June 2014, 11:26 PM BSTI am genuine and it's something I've always wanted to do. I'm the funny one in the pub but when it comes to writing jokes it's not my strong point as you've probly noticed.
You don't have to actually tell jokes though. If you're funny in the pub how do you make people laugh?
Quote: Olliet @ 18th June 2014, 11:26 PM BSTWhat do you do if you come across a bear in the woods?
Clean it off apologise and run
You see that is funny. Is it your own work? I've never heard it before but it has the feel of an old joke.
