1st routine

This is my first routine please be honest and tell me if it stinks.

I'm 21 and married I have a one year old baby and another one coming in December. People tell me I'm crazy I'm like no I'm just really fertile. There is not a form of contraception that can stop it. I literally think my sperm is like superman just busting through the rubber defeating everything that gets in it's way to the ovaries and then shitting on me for the next 18 years. I've only had sex twice in three years now I got a two life sentences. My wife wouldn't like what I'm saying she's like no it's been 3 times but she knows who I am

I'm a very awkward speaker. When I want to say something my mouth just poops something out that's kind of close to what I want to say. For example before my wedding we were watching home videos of weddings and we watched her grandmas wedding video where Her grandpa made this amazing speech gripping all of the guests and its heartfelt and he ends with don't drink and drive. I watch it and im like I have to do that that was amazing he said don't drink and drive.
so I make it all up in my head im going up there im going to say something so beautiful there is going to be tears and clapping and I have to wrap it up with don't drink and drive.
So I grab the mic and here is what I said: Thank you all for coming out and I'd like to thank our parents for making us (swallow) without you we wouldn't have met! don't drink and drive. Thank you don't drink and drive!

Hey Shaun are you married? Do you have a kid with another on the way?

Yea that's what it says

Thanks I struggle sometimes with my reading.

Thanks for the critique.

I was going to based on whether your material was diaristic or observational. I'll go back to the horse racing instead. Good luck with it all.

Everything is true in the material didn't mean to come off rude

That's ok the internet is a funny thing!

Okay so what do you think of my material?

I think the first bit seems like I have heard it many times before and the second part takes ages to get to the point without funny on the way. You have a wealth of experience to explore - get some truth into your material would be my best advice.

Thanks I felt like it was long to setup the second part but its a very rough draft however it is truth I'm 21 with kids and I got married at 18. And I did really make the speech but I was just seeing if I had good direction or to scrap it all.

Take the second part as an exercise and make it no more than a sentence or two.

I'm so potent I got my wife pregnant without f**king her.

I had a wank and the spunk ran downstairs and jumped her in the kitchen.

It's not always about you Sootyj.

Quote: Marc P @ 18th June 2014, 4:45 PM BST

It's not always about you Sootyj.

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playing hard to get Notorious?