Hello.
Earlier in the year I posted some work in progress poems/raps and some of you guys gave lovely and helpful feedback so thought I'd go for it again. Here is another.
The filming quality isn't great, my apologies, but if you're willing to look past that- feedback would be appreciated. Thank you.
Its not rap. As a poem it's not great, if its a performance piece lose all the umming and apologising and hair flopping and finger waving - just start and do it. It's not great comedy and it's not great verse - so work harder on the one or the other. Certainly slow it down, if you are saying something funny then it should have it own cadence, you have to let it breathe and flex. If you are saying something unfunny bubbling quickly along does the opposite of helping too. My feedback is not lovely I realise but I hope it is helpful.
Not really my kind of thing, but I think some of the rhymes and content is pretty clever. I can see you doing that on stage in a really over acted manor which, with the changing dynamics and accents would surely raise a few laughs.
here is the limerick news
I don't agree with their views
some of it's quite funny
but it won't earn you money
unless a yoda accent you use !
You are fighting the form here and losing the battle slander. Limericks aren't as easy as one might think are they? In poetry meaning is nothing without form. Otherwise you might as well write prose - which can certainly be poetical. Very bad packaging outside of Nature rarely presents with good content.
Don't be mean, Marc. I think it's funny.He only has to adjust it slightly...
Here is the limerick news,
I don't quite agree with their views.
Some of it's funny,
But it won't earn you money,
Unless Yoda accent you use!
sorry Beaky still naff. what did you find funny? Did you laugh?
So Notorious how was dating a fellow BCGer?
Quote: Marc P @ 10th June 2014, 11:08 AM BSTsorry Beaky still naff. what did you find funny? Did you laugh?
I don't spy on you for amusement thank you very much!
Yes you do!
well do something more entertaining, like a dance or something
Stop clogging up this thread with nonsense there's been enough of that already!
And I am not including my insightful comments in that analysis by the way 
actually marc I find writing limericks very easy . and I started a poetry thread where I offered members to take me on but no one obliged . if that is down to a lack of poetical skills , or if people just could not be bothered to reply is the question
Can you give us an example of a good one then rather than the one you posted here? 
sure , here is one abou james blunt who served in the army in kosavo
there is a singer james blunt
who served on the Kosovo front
he gone from dutiful
to singing you beautiful
oh what a talented chap
or this one from I'm a celebrity , when Alison Hammond ate all the corn on sunday night and upset shaun ryder.
there is a singer called shaun
in Manchester he was born
but this happy Monday
had a crappy sunday
when Alison ate all the corn.