British Comedy Guide

Status report Page 5,646

Quote: lofthouse @ 4th June 2014, 9:26 PM BST

Say what?

Eh?

I'm going for lunch in the House of Lords restaurant and they have quite a strict dress code, so I need to wear my suit. Sadly, the trousers are very ill fitting, so I need to get them taken in.

Can anyone go there??

Are you a Lord???

Lord Benjamin of Twatshire or sumfin?

Frankly your holiness would be better going to Lordes and hoping that rash clears up.

Quote: lofthouse @ 5th June 2014, 1:43 PM BST

Can anyone go there??

Are you a Lord???

Lord Benjamin of Twatshire or sumfin?

I think my dad knows someone who knows a Lord or something. That's why we can go along.

Ben's a tax deductible, expense.

Quote: Ben @ 5th June 2014, 2:20 PM BST

I think my dad knows someone who knows a Lord or something. That's why we can go along.

Don't show your dad up

No breaking wind or wiping your nose on the table cloth

And if you have steak this is the correct knife to use. If anyone tells you differently they're just trying to make you look foolish! Don't be taken in.

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Actually you're supposed to use one of the spoons to eat steak.

Quote: Raymond Terrific @ 5th June 2014, 10:11 PM BST

Actually you're supposed to use one of the spoons to eat steak.

Only after you've used that knife to cut it into spoon sized pieces.

And, Ben, always remember it's polite to belch and blow your nose on the napkin at the end of the meal.

I have received a most insulting letter from HM Courts Service

This letter is to confirm that, as you are not qualified for jury service, the summons has been withdrawn.

Not that I actually WANT to spend weeks doing jury service in Summer, but that phrasing lumps me in with the Mental Patients and known criminals etc and Why are those over 70 not qualified anyway ...

I thought we had a law against AGEISM in this country.

I bet some/many of the Judges are over 70 years old.

Bill you wanted to bring in trial by combat for traffic offences.

Quote: Oldrocker @ 5th June 2014, 10:15 PM BST

Only after you've used that knife to cut it into spoon sized pieces.

The really high class Lords ask the waiter to cut it into pieces for them.

Cool

Quote: sootyj @ 6th June 2014, 11:51 AM BST

Bill you wanted to bring in trial by combat for traffic offences.

Nope, "Trial by Combat" for AGEISM offences; that's logical.

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Come and fight me Chris Grayling you young whipper snapper.

Ben drunk quite a lot last night, but felt nothing more than a little wobbly this morning.

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