Don't call it Stephen and stop shaking it
Personal Problems Page 2
Stick it in the oven for half an hour on gas Mk 7.
That should dry it out enough.
Quote: roscoff @ 3rd June 2014, 10:33 PM BSTYour money worries are over. Not only is your plant alive, it's playing Scrabble. Kerching!
Doctor my personal problem is that due to an unfortunate accident with a Moulinex blender I now have a penis that looks uncannily like 80's crooner Shakin' Stevens. Can you help?
Quote: Oldrocker @ 4th June 2014, 12:21 AM BSTStick it in the oven for half an hour on gas Mk 7.
That should dry it out enough.
I don't think you're taking my problem seriously!
One of the reasons I posted this was because of the TV show "Embarrassing Bodies".
If you're too bloody embarrassed to see a Doctor about it why show it off to hundreds of TV viewers?
Quote: Chappers @ 4th June 2014, 5:39 PM BSTOne of the reasons I posted this was because of the TV show "Embarrassing Bodies".
It's good to see life imitating art. Are there any other pointless reality shows that you'd like to turn into a thread on the BCG?
Anyways, I'll play along - I saw in the paper that Katie Price is getting divorced and now I'm starting to worry she might jump out and marry me as I'm walking through a dark alley.
I know this is a silly fear and that the media are hyping it up as if it happens every day, but I can't help but feel afraid every time I see a Louis Vuitton baby buggy or pink fleece track suit bottoms when I'm out doing my shopping.
It's getting to the point where I'm covering up my abs and tattoos before leaving the house and always double check to see if there are any OK photographers in the bushes. Please tell me that I'm just being a stupid laddy and that serial brides aren't out to get me.
No unfortunately Katie Price is infact mostly trap door spider DNA, after a failed channel 5 experiment to breed the perfect celebrity.
Fortunately her vaginal excretions have a uniquely strong smell of part old spice and part Pot mackerel pot noodle.
If in any park land you smell this distinctive odor, run.
Or make an offensive joke about one of her kids.
Quote: sootyj @ 4th June 2014, 6:22 PM BSTOr make an offensive joke about one of her kids.
Bingo! Excellent advice Uncle Soots.
That does run the risk of Frankie Boyle appearing by parachute and yelling.
"Help ma boab, ya plagarising, father f**king c**t!"
And him holding you down and rubbing you all over with his vile ginger beard.
An experience akin to watching an episode of Derek.
I have a skin tag that I want removing from my lower jaw, but the doctors won't do it for free and want to charge me £100.
Tie a bit of dental floss around it Ben and it will fall off in a couple of days.
PS
Can anyone see my avatar at the moment?
Quote: Will Cam @ 4th June 2014, 8:40 PM BSTTie a bit of dental floss around it Ben and it will fall off in a couple of days.
I've heard that, but I'm not keen on homemade remedies. The fear of infection scares me off. I had some removed for free several years ago by this cool laser pen thing, but that was in the good old days of the NHS.
Quote: Will Cam @ 4th June 2014, 8:42 PM BSTPS
Can anyone see my avatar at the moment?
Yes, but a few others have been disappearing recently.
Quote: Ben @ 4th June 2014, 8:43 PM BSTI've heard that, but I'm not keen on homemade remedies. The fear of infection scares me off. I had some removed for free several years ago by this cool laser pen thing, but that was in the good old days of the NHS.
Yes, but a few others have been disappearing recently.
Mrs Will Cam had one under her arm and I tied it off and it died (the tag, not Mrs Will Cam) without a problem. No sore, no infection
I can see my avatar myself now, couldn't before, how strange.
Quote: roscoff @ 3rd June 2014, 10:33 PM BSTYour money worries are over. Not only is your plant alive, it's playing Scrabble. Kerching!
Doctor my personal problem is that due to an unfortunate accident with a Moulinex blender I now have a penis that looks uncannily like 80's crooner Shakin' Stevens. Can you help?
Quote: Will Cam @ 4th June 2014, 8:48 PM BSTMrs Will Cam had one under her arm and I tied it off and it died (the tag, not Mrs Will Cam) without a problem. No sore, no infection
.
Sorry. Had to edit that because it WAS too embarrassing.