British Comedy Guide

I read the news today oh boy! Page 1,602

Quote: Matthew Stott @ 30th May 2014, 9:03 AM BST

On the brink? I think the euro elections may have gone a bit to your head there.

You sound just life Grand Moff Tarkin before the Death Star explodes.

Quote: Nogget @ 30th May 2014, 10:58 AM BST

My point is that people are given powerful vehicles and roads upon which speeding is all too easy, and then they're fined for speeding; wouldn't it be safer to make it more difficult to speed?

No, limiting the acceleration on cars would make driving more dangerous. It would also make overtaking any slower vehicle impossible, thus causing endless jams and people risking their lives to get past other cars.

You bring up the Fiesta going 70 MPH, how would you fair if you were hit with a juggernaut doing 50 MPH? Or a bulldozer going 30MPH?

If speeding was the number cause of road deaths - or even road traffic accidents - then you might have a point. As it is, you're needlessly panicking over nothing - strange how that happens on here a lot.

Quote: sootyj @ 30th May 2014, 9:08 AM BST

nb with the recent college shootings, there's some pretty selective reporting. The guy killed 6 people, the first 3 were his male flat mates.

Yep, as always after a tragedy, the special interests groups are first to swoop in like hungry vultures to make political capital and push agendas.

Apparently, Shooty McBlueballs was another example of 'rape culture' - that's right, all men in the Western world ever are responsible for some lone lunatic going on a murder rampage. Shame on us.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 30th May 2014, 3:46 PM BST

Y

If speeding was the number cause of road deaths - or even road traffic accidents - then you might have a point.

Well the point I was trying to make was that speed limits don't prevent people people driving quickly; but regarding speed versus accidents*, I can guarantee that if you reduced a vehicle's speed sufficiently, it would be incapable of colliding with anything. A stationary car is pretty safe.

*If you want to call them that.

Contraception tips?

Quote: Nogget @ 30th May 2014, 6:59 PM BST

A stationary car is pretty safe.

Always worked for me back in the day!

There is always the danger of being rear ended.

What puzzles me now is . . . . how did I ever manage it in a Triumph Spitfire?

WTF?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cornwall-27643702

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-27654958

Farage is going all out for Labour votes now. Talking about the cost of living, wage compression, social mobility and scrapping tax for those on the minimum wage.

If the rest of their forthcoming manifesto is a balance between left and right ideologies based on common sense, then the other parties are up poo creek without a paddle.

Before Labour voters have a shit fit over UKIP taking Labour policies, you might want to look at your own party first.

They've ditched the flat tax? But that was so proportionate and fair :(

He completely changes all of his policies days after the election and no one calls him out on it.

I kinda expect Andrew Neal to ruffle his hair and give him a fiver, then tell him to go out and buy some sweets the adorable little scamp.

But to be fair, no-one voted for him on the basis of his policies on the economy or education. He didn't change policies, he is just finally trying to come up with a couple.

This is outrageous.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm

1.) He's in a private room with a locked door and is not hurting anyone.

2.) Attraction to inanimate objects is a recognised sexuality.

There was a documentary a while ago about a woman who married the Eiffel Tower.

Quote: sootyj @ 1st June 2014, 7:22 PM BST

He completely changes all of his policies days after the election and no one calls him out on it.

Cameron, Clegg, Miliband? Oh you mean Farage. For the thousandth time, he said he was going to draw up a new manifesto over the summer and announce it in September. Some people just can't this simple message into their heads. Maybe he should say it every single day until it sinks in.

Quote: Jennie @ 1st June 2014, 7:28 PM BST

This is outrageous.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm

Technically, this was outrageous, the story is from 2007. But don't feel bad, I too have been taken in by how the BBC News website works.

Oh. You are right.

Still, it was outrageous. He is not a sex offender.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 1st June 2014, 7:33 PM BST

Cameron, Clegg, Miliband? Oh you mean Farage. For the thousandth time, he said he was going to draw up a new manifesto over the summer and announce it in September. Some people just can't this simple message into their heads. Maybe he should say it every single day until it sinks in.

If UKIP put out lots of policies you don't really like, will you be okay? Worried for you.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 1st June 2014, 7:33 PM BST

Cameron, Clegg, Miliband? Oh you mean Farage. For the thousandth time, he said he was going to draw up a new manifesto over the summer and announce it in September. Some people just can't this simple message into their heads. Maybe he should say it every single day until it sinks in.

There's a big difference between the manifesto of a party responsible for now millions in council funds and your maths homework.

The, sorry sir the dog ate my manifesto excuse, is perhaps one of the more depressing things in the UK's collapsing democracy.

He can by all means say it, someone should be challenging him on it.

Quote: Jennie @ 1st June 2014, 7:35 PM BST

Oh. You are right.

Still, it was outrageous. He is not a sex offender.

He's in a hostel where I suspect his license will have informed him that staff may enter his room when he is in it.
They knocked and said they were coming in several times, he remained silent.

I put it to the members of this jury, that the defendant did intentionally attempt sexual congress on that bicycle, with the intention of being observed by the cleaning staff. Thus constituting a form of sexual assault.

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