British Comedy Guide

Monologue for Shark Radio.

Our first Saturday night at Sheffield University in the1960s,several of us new students went out together to a local pub and observed tradition by getting drunk.
When the chucking out bell rang we all staggered off to a local Indian restaurant. After having our fill and making a nuisance, ran out without paying. It's traditional.
The following Saturday we did the same. Got drunk in the same pub .
Then went to the same Indian Restaurant . To our surprise the owner, knowing who we were, let us in, providing we paid the outstanding bill.
This format went on for 3 months before we found a different pub and curry shop.
10years later in a street near the university, a smart young Asian kid stopped me and said hello Jerf. I must have looked puzzled, he told me that he was the son of the owner of the restaurant we used to run out of and still owing for the last meal.
Embarrassed, I apologised profusely. He said his dad and all the staff looked forward to us going there. I told him that his dad must be a good person. He said yes he is but he is also a business man.
He used to gather up all the scraps left by previous diners, chuck them in pan and lob in a handful of the hottest curry powder and that's what we got, pigs swill and paid for it.
Our University education did not include street smarts.

Oh dear that wasn't very funny, did you actually send it?

And will you be sending your unique musings to every open access opportunity on BCG?

Too quote Oscar Wilde, "who has wounded thee?"

No not sent yet. the idea of posting here is to get critique, Why quote Oscar Wilde have you no mind of your own. Most monologues are
autobiographical musing. Sending stuff off to be critiqued by professionals is surely no more or less than you do. I have read all your postings and liked none, but I wouldn't be rude about them.

By all means I welcome all feedback, incidentally you read over 40,000 posts? That's not healthy though to have the recall to compare them is incredble.

Any way hope I can persuade you not to send this. It's poorly written, unoriginal and both monotoned and monotonous. Perhaps develop a livelier voice, subplots and some unreliability in the narration?

That's better. It is true that I didn't read all 48000 but enough to get the general drift of your mind. Being a psychiatrist I cannot help but analyse subjects. You mentioned Oscar Wilde, you are so obviously a fan. He too,confused the cutting remark with intelligence.
I can give you a fuller picture but would not do so without your permission.

He is a fan of Windermere. And why not it's an excellent place to water-ski.

Sorry jerk but the bpa strictly forbids amateur diagnosis not in person
I'll have to don you in consider yourself suspended

Sooty, Sooty, Sooty, Two questions, 1, what is a jerk? 2 what does,
I'II have to don you in consider yourself suspended, mean.

Dob grass squeel you get the impression

As for jerk isn't it something weight lifters do

Not if they can't get it up.

Notorious if you ran an inn you'd call it Uendo

Just saying a lot of grunting and sweating with no result. You have to get it up to score.

It's a light anecdote, and so not really of any interest as a joke. It might be funny if you told this in the pub (if it's true), and it might feasibly be funny if it happened in a sit com or a novel, where we were already invested in the characters - either diner or waiter - but at least then it woudl normally be played out, not reported. This is a rather cold report and doesn't really justify its length.

For goodness sake gappy, don't get him started on length again! ;)

Thanks gappy. I am old and you are young, our idea of what's funny is bound to be at different. Which do you think is funnier; What is bright red and smells of talcum powder---A baby with a razor blade.
Or--Man falls down, Passing woman says, You've fallen down then--No the man replies, I'm trying to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.
My contention is that a radio station cannot run solely on wall to wall one liners and rambling sketches. Surely there has to be light and shade. I thought my gentle reverie would resonate with the older listener with such a past, causing them to substitute our childishness with their own, and thinking Was that really me.

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