Jacqui Smith Interview

TYPICAL TV INTERVIEW SET

JACQUI SMITH FACES A POLITICAL INTERVIEWER

INTERVIEWER
Home Secretary Jaqui Smith. Good evening.

HOME SECRETARY
Good evening.

INTERVIEWER
Now, as Home Secretary, you are the minister responsible for law and order in Britain.

HOME SECRETARY
Good Evening.

INTERVIEWER
Good evening. You are the minister responsible for law and order in Britain.

HOME SECRETARY
I am.

INTERVIEWER
And yet, some people are saying you lack the gravitas associated with that hugely important position.

HOME SECRETARY
Are they?

INTERVIEWER
Yes. They say you remind them of Pam Ayres

HOME SECRETARY
I haven’t heard anyone say that.

INTERVIEWER
Home Secretary, the prison system in Britain is in now in meltdown due to unprecedented levels of overcrowding and the public are looking to the government for reassurance. Do you have a poem about this?

HOME SECRETARY
Sorry?

INTERVIEWER
A poem. Some quaint little ditty to calm the public’s anxiety?

HOME SECRETARY
I’m sorry. I really don’t know what . . .

INTERVIEWER
Come on! It can’t be that hard.

HOME SECRETARY (TRYING TO GET BACK ON TRACK)
The prisons are packed to the rafters

INTERVIEWER
Good start!

HOME SECRETARY (BECOMING MORE ‘WEST COUNTRY’)
With robbers and rapists and grafters

INTERVIEWER
Good! Good!

HOME SECRETARY (GAINING CONFIDENCE WITH EVERY WORD)
So let’s make ‘em thinner (THINKS) with salad for dinner (THINKS) and something low-calorie for afters!

INTERVIEWER (TO AUDIENCE, ENTHUSIASTICALLY)
Ladies and gentlemen, Home Secretary Jacqui Smith!

THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE

Well this I like, topical, surreal, funny, and clever. Every one stays in character, and a very sweet parody of that bloody women's awful poetry.

Only it's got such a strong punch, and nice twist, you could trim the intro a fair bit. But that said send it NR TS. Or write some more poems, and have a pop at Radio 4. You may have found a really good comedic voice.

Simply brilliant!

Quote: FoxyBox @ February 23, 2008, 1:10 PM

TYPICAL TV INTERVIEW SET

JACQUI SMITH FACES A POLITICAL INTERVIEWER

INTERVIEWER
Home Secretary Jaqui Smith. Good evening.

HOME SECRETARY
Good evening.

INTERVIEWER
Now, as Home Secretary, you are the minister responsible for law and order in Britain.

HOME SECRETARY
Good Evening.

INTERVIEWER
Good evening. You are the minister responsible for law and order in Britain.

HOME SECRETARY
I am.

INTERVIEWER
And yet, some people are saying you lack the gravitas associated with that hugely important position.

HOME SECRETARY
Are they?

INTERVIEWER
Yes. They say you remind them of Pam Ayres

HOME SECRETARY
I haven’t heard anyone say that.

INTERVIEWER
Home Secretary, the prison system in Britain is in now in meltdown due to unprecedented levels of overcrowding and the public are looking to the government for reassurance. Do you have a poem about this?

HOME SECRETARY
Sorry?

INTERVIEWER
A poem. Some quaint little ditty to calm the public’s anxiety?

HOME SECRETARY
I’m sorry. I really don’t know what . . .

INTERVIEWER
Come on! It can’t be that hard.

HOME SECRETARY (TRYING TO GET BACK ON TRACK)
The prisons are packed to the rafters

INTERVIEWER
Good start!

HOME SECRETARY (BECOMING MORE ‘WEST COUNTRY’)
With robbers and rapists and grafters

INTERVIEWER
Good! Good!

HOME SECRETARY (GAINING CONFIDENCE WITH EVERY WORD)
So let’s make ‘em thinner (THINKS) with salad for dinner (THINKS) and something low-calorie for afters!

INTERVIEWER (TO AUDIENCE, ENTHUSIASTICALLY)
Ladies and gentlemen, Home Secretary Jacqui Smith!

THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE

View original

Oh I was going to say something about this & then I forgot what it was.

It's hard to see any constructive motivation behind this new member's posting and it's interesting that this mysterious new member has made just two postings - both of them snide and both about MY sketches.

His comment on this thread would have relevance if my sketch had been about memory loss but, as things stand, they look very much like the words of an essentially humourless person who's joined this forum simply to attack me.

Funny postings are made by funny people.

Boring postings are made by boring people.

Angry postings are made by angry people.

Sad, snidey, little postings are made by . . .

Answers on a postcard to:

Billwill competition
BSG Forum
Cyberland

It's good but not brilliant... I think it could do with a trim... here for instance, or am I missing a gag...

Quote: FoxyBox @ February 23, 2008, 1:10 PM

INTERVIEWER
Home Secretary Jaqui Smith. Good evening.

HOME SECRETARY
Good evening.

INTERVIEWER
Now, as Home Secretary, you are the minister responsible for law and order in Britain.

HOME SECRETARY
Good Evening.

INTERVIEWER
Good evening. You are the minister responsible for law and order in Britain.

HOME SECRETARY
I am.

View original

I think it could be a case of, post in haste, edit at leisure...

kjs

The Home Secretary's repetition of 'Good evening' is intentional and is hopefully funny as it suggests she's slightly 'out of it', not concentrating and/or somewhat inept at being interviewed.

The interviewer responds as if she had NOT made the gaff and that's what I believe a genuine TV interviewer would do in the circumstances.

Funny or deadly dull, it's exactly as I intended it and it works well in my mental picture.

Well as long as your happy mentally then that's okay...

kjs

I guess I just felt if you were sending it to News Revue, and Treason Show, which I really think you should, then the extra few lines at the top could go. The closer to half a page a skit you are at this stage the better.

I've written plenty of 2 pages skits I loved, but I know none of them have a hope in hell of getting in.

I often write an Alpha, and Beta version, one for me, one for posterity.

Quote: KJSmyling @ February 24, 2008, 2:30 PM

Well as long as your happy mentally then that's okay...

kjs

View original

Mental? Undoubtedly.

Happy? Relatively.

I daren't claim to be UNhappy in case the Gods decide to show me how much worse things could be.

Quote: sootyj @ February 24, 2008, 2:33 PM

I guess I just felt if you were sending it to News Revue, and Treason Show, which I really think you should, then the extra few lines at the top could go. The closer to half a page a skit you are at this stage the better.

I've written plenty of 2 pages skits I loved, but I know none of them have a hope in hell of getting in.

I often write an Alpha, and Beta version, one for me, one for posterity.

View original

That sounds like good advice.

Quote: FoxyBox @ February 24, 2008, 8:37 AM

It's hard to see any constructive motivation behind this new member's posting and it's interesting that this mysterious new member has made just two postings - both of them snide and both about MY sketches.

His comment on this thread would have relevance if my sketch had been about memory loss but, as things stand, they look very much like the words of an essentially humourless person who's joined this forum simply to attack me.

Funny postings are made by funny people.

Boring postings are made by boring people.

Angry postings are made by angry people.

Sad, snidey, little postings are made by . . .

Answers on a postcard to:

Billwill competition
BSG Forum
Cyberland

View original

How very strange ?
How could anyone construe

Oh I was going to say something about this & then I forgot what it was.

as being snide?

well it is, you very naughty boy Bill

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/5559

Oh no! Please no more arguments!!

Foxy I liked this a lot, very good sketch imho.

I suddenly very dirty and used, I may need to take along shower.