Elections 2014

SCENE1

HARRIET HARMAN AND ED BALLS SIT ON CHAIRS OUTSIDE A LOCKED TOILET

OOV SOUNDS OF VIOLENT VOMITING, RETCHING, THE WORKS

THERE IS A MINUTE'S SILENCE AND A HAGGARD ED MILLEBAND STAGGERS OUT OF THE TOILET, HIS TIE ASKEW, HIS FACE PALE.

ED BALLS
Right try again you squeeky little pooftah.

HARRIET HARMAN
What are you a girl or something.

ED MILLEBAND
puh puh, pleaze, no more I had 2 sips and 2 puffs.

ED BALLS HANDS ED MILLERBAND A PINT OF FOAMY BEER, HARRIET HARMAN HANDS HIM A LIT FAG.

HARRIET HARMAN
Be a man Millerband

SCENE2

A VERY POSH LOOKING BUTLER SMOKING A HAND ROLLED CIGARETTE AND DRINKING A CAN OF SPECIAL BREW WITH GREAT DIGNITY

PULL BACK TO REVEAL DAVID CAMERON AND GEORGE OSBOURNE WATCHING HIM

GEORGE OSBOURNE
It's a good start but people really expect you to do the drinking and smoking yourself.

SCENE3

NIGEL FARRAGE AT A BAR IN A PUB

BARMAN
Right Nige what'll it be, 2 pints of export and a packet of Benson and Hedges.

NIGEL FARRAGE
Is the election over?

BARMAN
Yes

NIGEL
Nice cup of camomile tea and hold the fags I've got such a hangover.

Economical and apt. Nice.

Very nice, as always Sooty.

Thanks guys and good to see you back Ponderer

I rather like making Ed sound like Roger Rabbit.

Quote: Tursiops @ 24th May 2014, 4:38 PM BST

Economical and apt. Nice.

View original

I think the minute's silence rather spoils the economy.

Well that's not very patriotic of you

I like this, and I feel it's got a very true heart.

Mind you, here in Oxford Labour polled highest in the Euro elections, followed by Green. The rest of the South East let us down with their UKIP voting, the scum, we're not easily excited by the idea of a politican drinking beer.